Let Justice and Praise become my embrace

Wow! What a beautiful day today! The Lord taught me some incredible things this evening and I thought it would be only fair if I shared them with you all, my readers! =) I was cleaning up my room at home this evening and organizing some things trying to figure out what I needed to take back to school and I came across a few very important things. Here they are:

1. I came across my mission trip journal that a very dear person in my life, Susie Poindexter, from when I went to Manchester KY for the first time. It was incredibly beautiful to see how on fire I was for the Lord and just how I was soo incredibly on fire to share the love of Christ with other people. It was really neat to read those journal entries. I also along with that found my other mission trip journals as well from where I went to Port Sulphur, LA and to Dillingham, AK. It's so cool to look and see how much of a high you have when I am on mission trips

This got me to thinking though. Why aren't we like that all the time? Why do we only have to have our spiritual highs while we are on trips. As we go to the grocery store or take our kids to school or play sports, or even study for a test, we are doing it for the glory of God

Daddy, help me to not get so caught up in myself that I fail to serve you and make you visible to everyone around me. Help me to serve you in all that I do! Help me to love you with an unconditional love. Help me to praise you with the words that come out of my mouth and the actions that I take part in. Father, consume me from the inside out. I want to know you so much more than I already do. Show me Your ways!

2.The second thing that I came across this evening was a group of notecards that my dear friend Marilee Betz made for me. One of the Bible verses that really stood out to me tonight was this one:

 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

How beautiful is this, all we have to do is look to God and God will show us the direction to go! All we have to do is to follow in the footsteps of God and the directions for our life will be so much simpler.

Now that is a lot easier said than done. It is hard for me to sit down and listen to God. I get distracted so easily. I lose patience becasue I look for instantaneous answers. I drown out the silence with music or talking or arguing or contemplating and forget to listen for the still small voice of God speaking to us!

Patient Lord, helo me to not become so involved with what is going wrong in my life, that I don't take the time to listen to You. This next semester is  coming soon. Help me to bask in the silence of who You are and listen for the still small voice. Help me to understand and to realize who You are. Open my blind eyes, unlock my deaf ears! I am Yours God. I give you control. Show me what You want! Hold me in Your loving embrace.

3. The third and last important thing that I found tonight was my Mother Teresa quote book. If any of you know me well, then you know that I LOVE Mother Teresa. She is my biggest hero and I love to look at her words of wisdom. It is beautiful to see her heart and the person that she was by the words that she said throughout her lifetime. One quote in particular that stood out to me tonight was this:

"St. Joseph knew, when Mary became pregnant, that this child was not his child. He saw that she was pregnant but didn't know how. If he had gone to the high priest, she would have been stoned to death. Do you see the charity and thoughtfullness of St. Joseph? If we have that same kind of charity and thoughtfullness toward each other, our families will become the abode of the Most High. How beautiful our families will become where there is total thoughtfulness for others. "

I thought this quote was beautiful. I think that it is easy for us to blame other people and to look down on other people but if we took the time instead to love them, there would be a lot less lonliness and so much more love. Another quote by Mother Teresa that fits along with this idea is this: "I have found the paradox in life: If we love until it hurts, there will be no more hurt only more love." This is so true. If we loved people that same amount that we hurt them, there would be so much more love in the world.

Precious King, Thank you for thr gift of friendship and family. Help us to not take them for granted. Help us to love more than we hate. Help us to be gratdeful more than we complain. Help us to give forgiveness more than condemnation. Help us to love with Your love. Thank You for the gift of life!

Beautiful friends, I hope that you have a blessed day today! Thanks for reading my blog by the way. =)

Blessings,
Jaime

You Walk Before Me: Broken Cisterns

          Recently I've been struggling with God. For some reason I tend to be incredibly hardheaded. I like to do things my way and in my timing. I like, no I love to have control over every situation. I love to be the leader of things because in that I have control to do what I please.

          At the same time, I am ever so much giving God control. These past few months, I have been completely broken where I felt like the pieces couldn't be put back together and that every part of me that I once knew and the things that I found important were no longer there. Its been a hard realization that when we just fall on our faces before The Lord that The Lord will renew our strength and teach us new things.

          This summer, I was able to take part in a Bible study with 4 beautiful women of God, Caroline, Beth, Abby, and Lindsay. We did a Beth Moore study on the book of Psalms. Through that study, one of the themes that Beth said was important to God was to get prostrate and lay on our faces before The Lord each and every day. I didn't realize how important that was until recently. I didn't realize how important it was to get on my face in a humble way before the creator of the universe.

          I didn't see how much of a problem this was until I was getting frustrated with God but I wasn't putting any effort into our relationship. I wasn't getting on my face before The Lord, I wasn't even saying good morning or good night to the creator. I wasn't even thanking God for bringing up the sun in the morning and setting it at night.

          I then began to read in Jeremiah and I came across this verse that really spoke wonders to me.

"My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jeremiah 2:13

          How true is this verse? Why do we do this to ourselves. Why do we allow ourselves to become so broken that we feel as though we cannot be put back together because we are selfish and we don't look towards God to mend our broken hearts or to heal our deepest wounds or to take away our sicknesses. God wants to give us the living water and we choose the trash. We choose the hard dirt roads when sometimes God wants to give us the paved roads. We choose to drink out of the broken glass out of the mirky stream when God is like "hey girl, or hey boy, heres this brand new sink here with fresh water. Heres a crystal glass for you to drink out of.

          I'm so guilty of this. I take the hard road because I want the control. I take the hard road becasue I am selfish. I take the hard road because I have been blinded to the fact that I deserve better.

          For the majority of my life, I have been spoken lies into my life that Satan loves to enlarge to make them feel like they are crippling me. It's insane how well Satan knows each of us, and unlike God wants to destroy each of us. I have been told lies that I am not good enough, pretty enough, and smart enough. I have been told lies that people don't like me, that I don't deserve peoples friendship, that people don't like me or love me because of something I've done. I've been told the lies of Satan that I will never be married because I'm not good enough. I've been told lies that I don't deserve a loving family, and I've been told the lies that I can't have nice stuff because I'm called to ministry.

           Now back to that cistern. How many times throughout the day do we forsake God. We do this when we go through the grocery store line on our cellphones not even taking the time to thank our clerk when in fact we could have been placed there to be the light of Christ. We can forsake God when we don't take the time to love our family like we should-- as a father who spends all his free time at work, or a mom who yells at her kids more than hugging them. We forsake God when we gossip behind our friends backs. The word for forsake comes from the hebrew text that literally means, "to depart from, or to leave behind." When I hear this, it hurts my heart so very much. We make the choice to turn our backs to God. We make the choice to leave God behind. We make the choice to literally take a different path on the road from God which in the end just leaves us broken and hurt. It leaves us as these broken cisterns. It leaves us with missing pieces and questions without answers.

          My goal for thes rest of my life (because I don't like New Years Resolutions) is to not allow myself to stray from the path of God. This semester I have strayed the farthest I ever have from the path of God yet God's faithfullness never ceased. Although I was frustrated becasue I selfishly couldn't feel God when I didn't put any effort in, God still help me in His loving arms and let me sit there and cry out. God brought people in my life to talk to Him on my behalf when I couldn't get the words out to pray. God put friends in my life to ask me the tough questions and to hold me accountable to who I am as a daughter of the King. God opened doors for me and placed my needs on the hearts of others before I ever saw them or understood them myself.

          Tonight, I stand in awe of My Father in Heaven. Tonight I stand in awe of Mother God who is a beautiful nurturer and who loves me unconditionally. Tonight I stand in awe of my Daddy who gives me a gentle nudge with His heavenly power when I begin to turn in the wrong direction into dangerous territory. Tonight, I stand in Awe of my Best Friend who I can laugh with and cry with and make memories with. Tonight I stand in awe of the Creator of the Universe who has everything under control even though most of the time their creation is going crazy frantically flopping around like a fish out of water!

Father, Mother, Friend, Counselor, Lover, Husband, Daddy, Creator God. I love you! Thank you for putting back together our broken cisterns and allowing us to come back to that stream of Living Water. Thank You for allowing us to hunger for Your grace and peace and mercy. Thank You for caring so much about our well being that you just stand there and hurt with us and cry with us when we travel down the dark paths of life because of our selfishness. Thank You though most importantly for opening up your arms to us when we finally realize it is time to come home like the prodigal son! I love you Daddy!

Blessings,

Jaime



The Familiarity of Christmas

This year it hit me, it knocked me down like a ton of bricks. Jesus was a human. I know that sounds so silly and you are probably rolling your eyes saying "duh" as you read this. I think this year it hit me as I thought about Joseph and the sacrifice he made in order to take up for Mary and because he was faithful and full of faith as the angel came to him and told him what was going on.

How difficult must it have been for Joseph, knowing that he has never touched Mary in a sexual way and that there is no way possible that this child is his, yet he led people to believe that it was his child. He did everything that he had to do to make this as easy as possible on Mary. He stood by her in the middle of the night when she was sick to her stomach, and in the mornings when she had morning sickness. He tried to help her out when she had outrageous cravings and dealt with her hormonal changes and those times that she was probably not so nice to him. He stood by her as she delivered this child and he held this child, loved this child, and raised this child as if He were his own. As Mary walked through the streets in her last months of pregnancy, together they endured the snickering, namecalling, and gossipping that comes along with teenage and unwed pregnancies.

Think of Mary. A young girl with her whole life ahead of her who was unmarried, and a teenager and pregnant. I think of myself and how hard that would be for me at even 19 years of age. I can't imagine having a child younger than that-- especially not in their time period when she could have gotten killed for being pregnant.

I think of the pain that she must have endured because people are mean. Their snickering is mean. Words cut deeper and are more painful than physical wounds themselves.

I then think to the two of them holding Jesus for the first time. Looking into his beautiful eyes, I wonder if they knew that that tiny infant who cried through the night and who smiled at them for the first time, that he was going to change the world. That those tiny hands and feet would one day not to far off be nailed to a cross so that His death could save the lives of so many people including themselves. I wonder if they had a clue that the young child running and playing in the yard would one day be performing miracles and literally bringing people back from the dead.

As all of your know, I'm not a parent, but I absolutely LOVE children (even my demon kids at the daycare-- for those of you who know about my past semester working at a daycare at school) I love children a lot. As I look into the faces of the children that I know, I can't help but think of what they are going to do when they grow up. I like to guess if they are going to grow up to be athletes, if they are going to go to college. Whos going to be a doctor or nurse or teacher and so on and so forth. I dream big for the people around me and I tend to have big dreams for the people that I love. I see things in people that they dont see in themselves. I love to point out gifts in people when they don't know that they have the gifts. I love to speak truth into peoples lives who have been blinded by lies.

So with all of that being said, I wish that I would have known Mary and Joseph. I think that it would have been really cool to look back and see how they raised Jesus. I wish the Bible told more stories about Jesus as a kid and the mischeif that he got into. I think it would have been beautiful to see Jesus baking cookies with his mom or sawing wood with His dad in the carpentry shop. I think it would have been neat to see him playing in the woods with His friends.

I'm thankful for Mary and Joseph and how amazing they were as parents to raise up a man that was not only 100% human but was also 100% God. That was such a huge responsibility that was placed on their plates when they werent expecting it.

God I thank you for seeing something in Mary and Joseph that them and maybe even the people around them couldn't see. I thank you for placing the life of your son in the womb of a teenage girl. I thank you for the faithfullness of Mary and Joseph to serve you and to follow through with giving birth to and raising Jesus even through the hard times when they didn't think they could keep going! Daddy, help us to not take for granted the sacrifices of those around us. I love you Daddy! =)

Hunger Games/ America

So, this week I have read the first book in the Hunger Games series and I absoloutely fell in love! I fell in love at the fact that it was a well written as well as interesting story! As I was reading it though, I couldn't help but to think of our lives as American's.

Basically what the first book in the series is about it this post apocalyptic world where they have 12 different districts. Once a year they have this major event called the Hunger Games and the point of the games is to be the last one living. From each district their are 2 names drawn, one male and one female between the ages of 12 and 18. These people basically fight to their death and whoever the winner of the games is gets to have food for their district for the year and they get some other prizes as well.

It was definitely interesting in how it was necessary to watch your back at all times because the people, even those who you became allies with were ready for your moment of weakness so that they coudl stab you in the back in order to keep moving forward in the games.

How often do we do that here in America? Especially in the job market We try to make ourselves look the best while making the identities of our competition look terrible no matter the cost. We tell lies about them to try and make them look bad.

The same goes in our high schools as we fight the battle of popularity and fitting in. There is so much bad mouthing that goes on between teenage girls especially. Theres the name calling, hoe, slut, skank, trash. We let these words flow freely from our minds, not realizing the effect they have on the ones who absorb these words into their deepest crevices.

Father God, help me to not live in a constant sense that I have to be the best or the most liked. Help me to not feel like I have to have peoples attention constantly. Help me to guard my tongue and to stop being so consumed with myself that I forget to love others. Daddy, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Show me Your direction for my life so that I can stop feeling like I'm running through the wilderness with no way out. I feel like I am running on the hamster wheel of life and I'm getting tired and worn out. I want to stop the running. I want to see new things, and have new experiences. I don't want to have to fight others so that I can come in first place. Because of my desire and fight to always be the best, I am letting people not feel like they can reach their full potential and for me, that is not healthy and it's not healthy for the others as well. Help me to give up this control that I have been holding on to for so long and place it quitely in your arms so that you can have the control that I so desperatley need to give up! -Amen

Blessings,
Jaime =)

Beautiful Blessings

I just thought since I never post pictures on here, I would post some so that you all could see who I spend my time with and the people who have blessed and touched my life in unexplainable ways! The people in these pictures are people that I have made so many memories with and who have helped to bring beauty from ashes through some very difficult times in my life. Each one of these people in these pictures has been a shoulder that I have been able to cry on during this incredibly stressful and hard semester! I could not have made it through without each of these beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ! These is one person who has been amazing through this semester and that would be my beautiful roommate Katie Broyles, I don't know what I would have done without her this semester! She definitely had to listen to me a lot and I am so thankful for the time I was ableto spend with her and getting to know her!

These are by far some of the most beautiful sisters in Christ that I have. Erin, on the far right has the ability to speak truth into my life when I can't believe the truth myself! She has spoken truth into my life on so many different occasions! I had some sweet moments with her this semester, one being a coffee date that we had midsemester which came at the most perfect time possible!

These two women are incredible! I wish that everyone could get a taste of the light of Christ that is shone through both of them! Lindsay, far left is one of my best friends in the entire world! She just beams light that is straight from The Lord! She is able to speak truth into my life when it is sometimes hard to hear. She allowed me to come to her house at my most broken moment this semester and she prayed for me what I couldn't pray myself because I was at a point where I wasn't speaking to God. She allowed me to lay in her floor for a very long time and to just cry out while she played with my hair and played music! That was such a beautiful experience!

Wow! This is a picture full of beauty (minus the one in the middle) just kidding! =) Susie Poindexter on the left, is my second mom, no doubt about it! She knows how and why my heart beats and she knows everything about my heart and she still loves me. Susie has helped me through the most broken of times in my life. She has helped me to stand when I didn't think that was possible and she has the ability to speak truth into my life even when it may be painful. She helps me to do the hard things in life! I love her so much more than words could ever explain! =)

Wow, these are by far my best friends in the entire world! These girls and myself have so much fun together! Caroline and Beth have been in my life since we were born and it's beautiful to see how our friendship has grown over the years! Caroline and I have been close our whole lives and it is really neat to see how we can be completely honest with one another even when what we have to say my be painful to hear. Beth has a beautiful heart that is always looking for ways to serve other people and it has been a complete joy to share life with her! I love them so much! =) Sarah on the far left is such a beautitul sister and I know that God has some incredible plans for her life! She has such an amazing voice that she uses to bring praises to The Father! I love these girls so much! I would for sure not be the person I am today without them!

these are my beautiful friends that I spent the majority of my time with this semester! I would most definitely call them my family! I love all three of them more than words could ever say!

This is our family when we went trick-or-treating! Dr. Brummett (the one without a blue wig) is by far one of my favorite people in the entire world! Dr. Brummett works so hard to make sure that everyone is taken care of. He is our vice president of student affairs, and was my academic advisor my freshmen year before he got promoted! This man has helped me so much in th short time I have known him. He has such a beautiful heart to serve people!

These are some of my beautiful sisters at CN. All of them have a very special place in my heart, and unfortunately all of them are graduating in May. (Yes, I will be crying my whole way home from school this year) Andrea, in the bottom middle has definitely been my rock. She knows me better than I know myself and she has an amazing spirit and a beautiful story. I can't wait to see how God uses her story to impact the lives of so many one day!

Cardboard City is by far myfavorite thing that we do at CN. Basically what it is, is a time of literally living in Card Board Boxed for 2 nights in order to bring awareness to homelessness in our area and as a way to raise money for Appalachian Outreach which is a service organization that is right down the street from our school!

I had the beautiful and amazing opportunity to go to Raleight NC during fall break this year. There we worked first hand with the homeless population and had the opportunity to spend time with them and to love on them as well as to volunteer at their Rescue Mission by preparing a meal and cleaning. We also were able to pick yams for needy families in the Raleigh area! It was such a beautiful experience!

I intern with a youth group at FBC Jefferson City. This is a picture from one of the girls nights that we had. Girls nights are always a blast. I love being able to intern at FBC. It is an amazing environment with beautiful people!

This here is Michelle or as I like to call her, Chelle Chelle. Michelle has the most beauitful heart of anyone I have ever met in my entire life! Michelle has an incredible story and she is going to change the world one day. Actually I take that back, she is changing the world right now! =) Love you Chelle!

This here is my EPC family. EPC is the Eagle Production Company. I have a leadership position in that organization. It is filled with some of the most service oriented people that I have ever made! I have made some of the neatest friendships through my service with EPC

My cousin got hitched on December 10th! yay! I love you Lindsay and Chester! Lindsay and Chester are precious together. Two very amazing people deserve to be together and that is what they are! They were definitely meant to be!

Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones has the most beautiful heart of anyone that I know! She would do anything for anyone! I love her more than words can say! She has a beautiful family and I can't wait to get to know them better through these next two and a half years at Carson-Newman!

Megan is a beautiful sister who is just filled with so much joy that it is contagious! I can not wait to see what beauty God is going to make from the ashes and hard times that she has faced! She is such a beautiful sister that God is using in incredible ways already!

My "Family"

Daddy, I thank you for these amazing and beautiful people that you have placed in my life! These people are the hands and feet of Christ. Daddy, I thank you for their beautiful spirits an d for their abilities to love me with an unconditional love and to help me through some difficult situations throughout this semester! Daddy, guide and protect each one of these prized possessions of yours and do not let them stray far from You, for it is in You and You alone that we find peace and rest! It is in You that we find grace and mercy and forgiveness! It is in You that we find pure Joy and beautiful friendships! =)

Blessings,

Jaime =)

Unexpected Blessings

Peace
Acceptance
Love
Grace
Beauty
Wonder
Amazing
Awesomeness
Creative
Protector
Father
Mother
Friend

          All of these words are words that I would use to describe our Lord. Over these past several weeks, God has done an amazing work in my life to show me that God is in fact alive and well in our lives and that The Lord of our lives wants the very best for us and loves us with a love that we can never even describe to others.

          Wow, I honestly don't even know how to describe these last few weeks and the beauty that God has brought into my life that felt like a desert for such a long time. Over the last few weeks, God has done some pretty incredible things and I just want to share them with you.

          My family can not afford to pay my way through college and as much as they love me and do for me, its just impossible with the other bills and responsibilities that they have, for them to be able to pay for me to go to college as well and that is completely understandable. So during Thanksgiving break, my heart was just really convicted by how much my parents and grandparents sacrifice for me to be where I am today and I began to feel guilty for attending a school that is 5 hours from home and rather expensive. So after some tought love conversations with my parents, I decided to look at some schools around here for the Spring semester to try to help my family out.

         Let me just tell you, those clicks of the mouse to Central Virginia Community College and a few other schools were some of the hardest clicks I have ever had to make. I couldn't stop crying thinking of the possibililty of having to leave my friends in just a couple of weeks to come home and live with my parents where I have no friends near since all of my close friends are in college some where else. I cried and cried and cried. I cried out to the Lord begging God to show me what was to be done for the upcoming semester. I cried out, without an answer, but longing to be filled with peace and reassurance.

          Can I just tell you that I have the most beautiful friends in the entire world. I had a beautiful friend who allowed me to come to her house and let me literally lay in her living room floor and bawl my eyes out while she played with my hair and she prayed the words that I didn't know how to pray because I was angry. I had friends who prayed for me and let me talk and gave me advice. I had the love of Christ shown to me through so many people over the past few weeks and it has been incredibly beautiful.

          I went back to school on the Monday after Thanksgiving and then that Thursday got an email saying that I had receieved more scholarship money for this upcoming semester that would cover everything but my room and board. I then got asked to live in a town house with some girls next semester and therefore signed the lease to that, but very apprehensively. Then about 20 minutes before I was leaving to come home for break, I got a phone call from a beautiful Christlike woman who asked me if I would be interested in living in their home next semester.

          This just goes to show that we never know what God is going to do in our lives. We never know how The Lord will bless our lives when we least expect it but we must remember that at all times, God is in the background working for the good of those who love God and live in according to God's purposes.

          I am incredibly blessed to have next semester at Carson-Newman. I don't know how God is going to use this next semester to bring glory to Godself, but I know that there is going to be something great that comes out of all of this. It is very obvious that God wants me at Carson-Newman next semester and it is no mistake or random act of kindness that allowed me to stay at CN.

          Father God, I bring you praise tonight as I sit in my warm and cozy bed. Thank you for your love and your grace. Thank you for loving me and caring for me even during the time that I was angry with your because I couldn't see your plan at work. I'm sorry that I let circumstances keep us from growing closer this semester. God, please show me what you would have me do this upcoming semester. Show me your plans and your purposes. God I pray that this time that I have to live with a beautiful family is a time that is blessed beyond what my finite mind can even imagine right now. I honestly can not imagine or fathom the blessings and the healing and the beauty that is going to come through next semester! Thank You Father for holding me in your loving embrace even when I twist and turn to be let loose of your embrace. Thank you for seeing the good in me when I don't see it in myself. Thank you for seeing my potential when I just see a muddled mess!

Hope you all have a blessed Christmas with Family and loved ones!

Blessings,
Jaime

God, do you even listen anymore?

Over the course of the past 4 months, I have gone on a strike from talking to God. Don't get me wrong though, I'm pretty good at fake baking it. I go to church, I help with a youth group, and if asked to pray in a group I don't decline. Why is that? I know that I'm not the only one that does that. I know I'm not the only one in the whole world who feel disconnected. I know that I'm not the only one who doesn't venture into the beautiful scriptures for fear of what God may be trying to teach me.

To be honest, I have only read my Bible twice this whole semester of college. Why is that? Well if you really want to know, it's because I'm mad at God. I think that is okay though for a period of time. I think it's okay to look into the Heavens and cry out to God declaring your anger. That however is the only interaction I have had with God this semester. I don't have a problem crying out to Him with anger and fear and the inability to understand.

I will say however that I am ready for a change. I'm ready to have my best friend back. I'm ready to have my Rock and my Fortress back on my side to protect me from the tide of life. I'm ready to be able to see God's face in the laughter of a child, the breeze in the air, or even in tears of the broken. I'm ready to wake up in the morning with a quench that can only be filled by the grace and power and love of God Almighty. I'm ready to have theological conversations again with my friends. I'm ready to feel worth again of God's love. I'm ready for God to embrace me in His loving arms and hold me there when I feel broken or scared. I'm ready for God to send people to me again when I need to be touched or held. At the same time though, I'm ready to have the drive to serve again!

I feel God the most when I'm working along side the broken and the hurting. I feel God when a friend cries on my shoulder. I feel God when deaths occur. I feel God in the hospital rooms. I feel God while I'm sitting beside victims of rape or abuse of any kind. I feel God when I hear peoples testimonies of despair that turn into beautiful redemption. I feel God when broken relationships occur.

This semester, I have missed so many opportunities because I have let the broken people walk away from me because I have been too broken to love them. I have let people who needed me spend time by themselves when in reality that was the last thing that they've needed. I've let my professors down by not getting work done on time and work that was not 100%. I have let friends and family down because I have not been an effective lover. Lastly, I have let my self down because of my selfishness and my inability to look past circumstances to find peace.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. If you know me well, you will soon know that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love it because I love my family. As crazy as my family is, I love each and every person more than anyone could ever imagine. We all have our quirks and weirdness but we all come together and love one another and support one another. Yesterday I realized how much I have missed this semester and finally after a lengthy time in the desert barely breathing and surviving each day, I FINALLY thirsted for the first time! I thirsted for Christ. I thirsted for scripture! I thirsted for love that I have pushed away! I thirsted for health! I thirsted for my faith to be relit because for a while I felt as though the fire had burnt out and I didn't know if it could be relit! If you ask me this year what I am thankful for, I could go on for hours, but I'll just name a few...

1. A God who continues to love me even when I give the cold shoulder for over 3 months.
2. A family who comes together to love even through the hard times!
3. Grandparents and great grandparents who selflessly give of themselves to make sure that I have the opportunity to become the best that I possibly can be!
4. Friends who are there to laugh with, joke with, be angry with, and to cry with.
5. Peace in times of struggle-- even if for only small moments in the day!

God Bless!

-Jaime =)

Blast off to.. weird?!? -- or I guess awesome!

Soo, I haven't written on here in forever! I wanted to take the time in this post to tell you all about my wonderful roommate, Katie Broyles! She has inspired me to start blogging again because of her really nifty blog. If you want to see it, Click here!! =) I moved in with her during September after some crazy situations and everything just worked out so perfectly for me to move in with her. Her roommate didn't come back, and I was not happy in my room so it all just worked out really well and was a true blessing from God. It was so perfect that all of our stuff for our rooms even matched. Soo here is the top ten things about my roommate and why she's amazing!

10. She is very creative and crafty (you'll see this even more if you look at her blog) =)
9. She's from the great state of VA only about an hour from me! haha
8. She loves watching movies like me
7. She tells me what I say in my sleep when we wake up in the mornings.
6. She's super smart and is going to make an amazing Physicians Assistant.. according to her, "I want to save them lives" =)
5. She's a hopeless romantic-- I think this is cute because I'm exactly the opposite-- maybe one day she'll rub off on me a little bit
4. She has pretty amazing friends-- Lindsay and Abbey- they make me laugh all the time!
3. She helps me to pick out my clothes because I don't have much of a sense for fashion--(but on the downside she tries to not let me wear socks and chacos)
2. We both love to watch Glee
1. She laughs at me all the time no matter what it is that I do! Especially when I come home and tell stories about how crazy my semester has been and all of the drama! =)

Basically we think the same things a lot of the time.. it's so funny how much alike we are.. we also have some of the most random conversations that really would not make sense to a lot of people.. For example we just had a conversation about how I was a princess with keebler elves as my entourage and how I kept my princess crown in my car--- see, it doesn't make sense.. does it?

Well I hope you all have an amazing day! While youre at it, scroll back to the top and click on Katie's blog! You will love it, I promise, or you get your money back..

Beauty in the Ashes! =)

I wrote this in a journal back at the beginning of October and I decided to share this with you all....

Wow.. so it's been a while since I have written a blog post. My lack of posting reflects the lack of time I have had in the past month. The Lord has really been working in my life to help me to figure out what my dreams and passions are and how they relate to those dreams and passions of The Lords. Back in July I was having a really rough time figuring out purpose. I didn't know why I was home for the summer, or what The Lords plans were and out of pure misery and hopelessness I begged The Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. That was the hardest prayer that I had ever prayed and looking back, it was the best prayer that I have ever prayed. It has been hard these past few monthes because God has truly broken my heart for what breaks His. He has taken a lot of stuff from me, taken some people who I thought were going to be my closest friends, placed me in a difficult work environment, forced me to give up leadership in an organization I felt called to be the president of, give up leadership in an organization that I planned all of the speakers for, drop a class, and at times feel incredibly overwhelmed and burdened. He has allowed my great grandmother to be in the hospital and even chosen to place the life of an infant in the uterus of my beautiful 18 year old cousin. God has allowed one of my orientation girls' best friends to get raped and then from that become pregnant. God has allowed me the opportunity to move rooms and dorms and in the process potentially have lost what could have been a beautiful life long friendship. He also allowed me to run through a stop sign and hit a firetruck causing my car to be totalled. Through all of this, The Lord has shown me the beauty of His arms being wrapped around not only me, but so many other people in the world. God has blessed me with beautiful friends who allow me to vent, complain, and on many occasions this year, they have just allowed me to sit there, lay my head on their shoulders, and cry. It has been beautiful to see how in the friendships that I have here, how much of a mutual, literal brother sister relationship with them where I have complete confidence that we will be there for each other through thick and thin this year when the going is tough and when there is no resistence at all!

Today has been a really great day, The Lord has really blessed me by giving me back my smile tonight and I actually smiled for real tonight for the first time in a really long time! I think I'm starting to come back alive and that the numbness is wearing off a bit. I'm starting to be able to actually feel emotions which I think is a beautiful thing in moderation. I went this afternoon to the crisis pregnancy center here in Jefferson City to pick up a volunteer form. I LOVED IT! It was sooo beautiful and I really feel called to do some volunteer work there.

Tonight, we had BASIC, which is our Wednesday night worship service through the Baptist Collegiate Ministries. We had the complete blessing of hearing Mrs. Colleen Burroughs bring The Word tonight. She had a beautiful message on hearing the cry of the world and following The Lord and how our passions are the intersection of the Worlds cry and our passions. I then had the pleasure to go down to The Cereal Shak with some really special people in my life along with Mrs. Colleen. It was really neat how she interacted with us! She was such an incredible person to get to spend some time with. I'm excited about the opportunity to work at a Passport Camp in the future and about integrating Passport into my church at home!

Blessings,
Jaime =)

In the midst of a whirlwind but steady in Christ

I can honestly say right now that I do not have a clue what this upcoming year is going to hold, but I have peace about it that could only come through Christ. I haven't written in over a month and so tonight as I sit in my bed in the comforts of my home, I am going to share a bit from my heart. I left for school a little over 3 weeks ago to be an orientation and welcome week leader. I thought that I was just going to serve and to love on some freshman, and to get to spend time investing in their lives, but little did I know that The Lord had something completely different in store for me and for my life that I cannot even comprehend right now, but I know that when I am supposed to know He will guide and direct my steps and open up my eyes and heart for what He wants to teach me.

5 days before I left to begin my second year at The Newman, I had to go to the dr. and get some blood work done because I had been having some headaches and a few other problems and so the dr. wanted to do some blood work to make sure everything was okay. I then left for school on a Monday to begin working on the Orientation and Welcome Week staff. I got to do many new things such as White Water Rafting, and visiting just about every Wal-Mart in a 30 mile radius of C-N to purchase things for Orientaion. During that week before the freshman came, I met so many beautiful people that I didn't know, and The Lord really and truly blessed my heart when He placed those people in my life. Thursday afternoon came and I got a call from the dr. with the results of my blood work. She said that nothing serious was wrong but that she wanted me to see an endocrinologist and get some more tests done. I said okay, and got off the phone very apprehensive. I know The Lord is in control but sometimes it's just a little scary to have to go back to another dr. and get more tests done. The freshmen then came on Friday and I had a blast getting to know my group! They were all just a group of unique individuals and all of them were SOOO sweet! Monday morning, I got in my car like every other morning and headed towards the Campus Ministries House where I had a meeting. On my way there though, I did something that was not so smart. I ran a stop sign and after the sound of a car blowing it's horn, hit a firetruck and totalled my car. As first I was just in a sense of shock and I didn't know what to do. I called my friend Cassie who was at the meeting I was supposed to be at and her, Lexi, Chad, and Mrs. Nenette came and stayed with me through it all. As many of you know, I hate to cry in front of people but as soon as I saw the 4 of them come close to me, I broke down bawling and crying. It was probaly the scariest time of my life because I didn't know what was going on, my parents weren't there and I knew that I had orientation responsibilities soon after. I think right at that moment though, it was reaffirmed that I was where I was supposed to be because I had an amazing family there to support me! Cassie then took me to the dr. where I got my head checked out and a head ct scan done to make sure I didn't have any damage to my head where I broke my rearview mirror off with my head. That day continued with my beautiful friend Michelle walking me back to the dorm to make sure that I was okay, and then my day ended with me sleeping with my friends Andrea an Lauren so that they could make sure I was okay through the night. The next morning started off really well and the day was great. We even got shook up a little bit by the earthquake that we felt in Andrea's room. My week continued with this continual sense that I was being called to move dorms. I didn't understand it and still don't, but I am confident that The Lord will show me in His timing. So I moved dorms and am now living with my friend KB! Through the course of the past week, I also applied for and got a job at a daycare in Morristown where I will be working 15 hours a week.

I think these past couple of weeks have taught me several lessons:

1. It is okay to lean on and to get help from people who love you.. as Dr. Brummett would say, "Self-care is not selfish"

2. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness

3. Doing too much is not healthy and causes unneeded stress

4. You can't do everything

5. Just when you think everything is perfect, God may change things up

6. Trusting God is an act of Obedience

7. It's okay to say no

8. All Good things come from God

9. God is bigger than our biggest fears

10. God doesn't give us more than we can handle

Friends, sorry for my venting! I just wanted to catch you all up on my life and tell you a little about this year for me. The Lord has really taught me a huge lesson in giving up control. Having control is a huge issue for me, but although my plans and God's plans are seeming to not connect, I'm okay with that and I am willing to look towards God to see His plans unfold rather than looking into my own selfish heart to do the things that I want to do.

A Work in Progress

This morning at church for me was a time where I had to completely rely on the power of Christ like never before. A few weeks ago, one of my beautiful friends asked me if I would sing a duet with her. So we began to practice the song 'Blessings' by Laura Story. When we began to practice this song, I don't think either one of us knew what The Lord had in store for either one of us when we decided to sing this song in church. As I began to practice this song, The Lord just brought up so many emotions inside of me. At first, many memories from my past came up and it was hard to overcome them while singing. Then after singing through a few times there was this overwhelming sense of peace. One line that really spoke out to me was, "what if your healing comes through tears?"- This line just really spoke into my life and this past year. This past year for me was SUCH a healing process and along with that came MANY MANY tears. I think that sometimes probaly more times than not, along with healing comes tears. Okay fast forward to this morning. As Sam and I began to sing, the Holy Spirit I feel wanted to do a bit of healing in her life so therefore tears came. It was just a really powerful morning at church and it is super cool to see how The Lord works in ways that we don't fully understand! =)

In the midst of darkness there is Light

Today so far, and it's only 1:00 in the afternoon has been one of literally the hardest days of my life. For the past 2 summers, a week in November, and 2 weekends during April I have gone to a place called Manchester KY. I have spent times building relationships, I have spent times praising The Lord through singing. I have spent countless nights up into the middle of the night playing bananagrams, Phase 10, Blokus, or Spoons with some of the most beautiful people I have ever known. I have spent hours on the Manchester Baptist Church Van picking up and taking kids home along with passing out flyers for Backyard Bible Clubs. I have spent time building relationships with the people we served especially the Maggard family with their 3 beautiful boys Kevin, Alex, and Nathan. I have spent time walking around at the park with Drucie Brown just talking about life and being intrigued by the stories of Haiti that she has told me and just how dedicated she is to serving the Lord. I have made countless sandwiches with Vickie May and enjoyed playing games with her and Bonnie Alldredge. I have been adopted as the granddaughter of countless couples on my various LBA trips. I have spent many hours laughing and having a great time and also a few hours just on my face crying out to the Lord because I wanted so badly to help people and love on people and to show them the love that only Christ has to offer. During my times in KY I have been surrounded by beautiful Brothers and Sisters in Christ and it has been amazing to watch how each time I have left going to Kentucky not knowing very many of the people and yet came back feeling like family with each and every one of them. As I sit here and type this I am choking back tears as today so many of my friends have left to once more embark on this journey to Manchester KY but this time I am not with them. From the time I woke up this morning every little thing that has happened has reminded me of my times in KY. As I went to take a shower this morning I was reminded of the shower trailor that we showered in each day. As I went to straighten my hair I thought of how J and Lizzie and Reina and Ryan all burned Gummy bears with a straightner. As I went to drive down the road I thought of the bumpy roads up into the hollers in Manchester and I could picture the faces of the beautiful children we got to love on. As I walked into my church building and up the stairs, I thought about my beauitful friends who were on that journey to Manchester this morning and how many memories we made in the past two years as we journeyed together. I thought of Ann Booker and Bonnie Alldredge who have just loved on me on all of the LBA trips we have gone on together and how it was because of them that I was able to go on my first LBA trip because I had to have a chaperone in order to go. As I sat in Sunday School we were talking about Moses and how he had to be in the wilderness and to learn the wilderness so that later on he would be able to lead the people out of the wilderness. Although it doesn't completely relate, it sort of does. I feel like I am in the middle of a wilderness of sorts. I don't know all the details and a part of me in a way is frustrated that I can't be on this trip. I've been just on my face begging God to show me while I can't be on this trip and why whenever a door would open for me to be a part of this trip another door would close in order to make it impossible. As I go through this time of wilderness though I know that The Lord is directing and guiding me each step of the way and in His timing He will show me why this wilderness was a necessary part of my journey. I know that He has something incredible in store for me as I wait patiently or more in my case as I wait impatiently for Him to show me what is next.

As you read this, my prayer is that you will put aside my complaints as I just had to vent them and that you will this week be in prayer for my friends who are serving in Manchester KY. Pray that The Lord will do a mighty work while they are there. Pray that the construction teams will not only be able to meet their physical needs but that maybe through a hug or a smile they will feel the love of Christ and a seed will be planted. Please be in prayer for the backyard bible club group that they will be able to love on these kids and show them the love of Christ as well. Help the teams heart to be opened as they travel to the Gallilean home tomorrow and allow them to love on the people there as well. Pray for the cooks that they will not get worn down feeding so many people but that they will see their job as just as important as the other jobs. Pray also for the leaders in KY Ken and Carol that you will help them to feel encouraged by our team.

Fears and Healing

So the past two weeks have been an incredible roller coaster that I don't even know how to explain and The Lord has really working in my life. 4th of July weekend I went down to TN and my best friend from here came with me, Caroline. Friday night we met up with a group of my friends for Katelynn Davenport's birthday and it was so much fun to be reunited with my beautiful sisters in Christ. Until I was in their presence this past weekend, I didn't realize how much I had missed their presence in my every day life. Here at home, I have 3 people that I would call my friends this summer and out of those 3 here I have become closer to my sisters at school then my friends here. I can be honest with them and I know that they won't judge me for what I tell them about my life and what I am struggling with. If I need to talk to them I know that they would let me come to their room during the school year or call them when we aren't at school if I needed to talk or cry or both. But on the other hand my sisters at school are there for each other during the joyous times as well. We are there for each other on birthdays or when we make good grades on tests or when we just want to praise The Lord for His faithfullness in our lives. It's incredible how much God has blessed me with these beautiful sisters at Carson-Newman. Saturday Caroline and I hung out with some more of my sisters as well. Sunday though was such an eye opening day for me. I made Caroline go to two churches with me haha. First we went to First Baptist and then we drove to Knoxville to go to NorthStar. Pastor Scott like always brought the word and it was so great to be back at NorthStar. His sermon or atleast a point of his sermon that he spoke was about how a lot of times as Christians we get caught up in 'religion' and don't focus on our actual relationship with Christ. We do all of the 'good' things like being involved in bible studies, leading bible studies, going to Sunday School and worship, singing in choir, keeping the nursery, or whatever it is that we do each week. Pastor Scott really stepped on my toes and made me realize the importance of my relationship with Christ to become more intentional. Also, I feel as though my calling from The Lord is becoming a little more defined. I feel as though God is calling me to be a Pastor or atleast to add a pastoral emphasis to my religion major. I think this is a big step for me as in all honesty I don't have a clue what becoming a pastor would mean for my life. So if you're reading this, please be in prayer for me as I get some wise counsel in the next few weeks from some of the people in my life I look to for advice while making big decisions. I'm excited but in all reality I have no clue where The Lord is going to lead me in the future but I'm excited about this journey.

On another note, I have a crazy confession to make and I think this is God's way of showing me that I am no longer in bondage but I am free because of His grace. Ever since I was a little kid probaly late elementary school I have been terrified of dogs, like to the point of if a dog came anywhere near me I would literally go out of my way to avoid the dog and it was almost a paralyzing fear. This fear bubbled over into my home where if my dog, my very own dog was out of his lot when I got home, I could not make myself get out of my car but I would literally call my dad and get him to come hold the dog so I could walk into my house. So I went to Carson-Newman in the fall with this fear and it continued through the year and then I came home for summer after having to deal with some pretty difficult baggage through the latter part of the first semester through about the end of April and beginning of May which wouldn't have been possible without the help of some amazing friends who just listened to my crys and sometimes even just held me in their arms because I was upset or allowed me to sleep in their room because I was scared and that fear was completely gone. It was like I had never been scared of a dog a day in my life. I think that my fear of dogs came from a sense of bondage and that that fear came from something deeper. It's really cool to see how The Lord works and how He can heal our hearts even after they have been broken into a million pieces and you feel like you can't keep going.

So I know that was random and you probaly didnt understand atleast half of what I just wrote in that last paragraph but as our friendships grow, I am confident that my heart will begin to be opened to each of you and with time I will be able to share parts of my life story with you because it isn't my story, it's God's story!

Until next time, I hope you all have an amazing week!

The Holy Spirit, Julie Pennington Russel, and Baptist History and Beliefs

As I look back over my past year, I can't help but to look at the incredible power of the Holy Spirit in my life. During my first semester of school at Carson-Newman, I met an incredible woman of God, Julie Pennington Russell who came to speak to us during a chapel service about hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit where I had happened to be asked a few days prior by my professor if I would consider being a volunteer to help her out during the service. I quickly responded to the email, not realizing that this woman was so well known all over the United States and that her speaking would be just what my heart needed.

Flash backward about 6 monthes where my Pastor at my home church and I had been talking about ministry and somehow we began talking about me becoming a pastor. At that point in time, The Lord had not opened my eyes to that calling so when we began talking about it, I thought it would be something that would just go away, not something that would continuously nudge me for the remainder of the school year and into these past few weeks where I would finally begin to accept this calling for what it is. I can honestly say that a year ago today I was not in a place where I could fully surrender to the Lord because I had a lot of baggage that I had to get rid of first.

Okay, flash forward to the spring semester where Dr. Julie Pennington Russell came back to Carson-Newman to deliver a series of sermons known as the Ashe-Henderson Lectures. Her preaching melted my heart once more leaving me hungry for more from The Lord. At that point I began to realize and sort of accept the gifts that The Lord had given me.

Flash Forward once more to Sunday before last where the guest pastor, Rev. Mark Beck delivered the sermon with a message of answering a call and having your ears, eyes, and heart open for that transformation. Well, that may not have been what the sermon was about, but that is surely what I got out of the sermon. As I sat on the 2nd row of the sanctuary, the though of becoming a pastor was so clear and so vivid. throughout the whole service The Lord revealed so much to me. He spoke so much truth into my life and it was incredible!

Flash forward one more week to this past Friday, and as I'm sitting in class, my professor who is also my pastor, Dr. Derik Hamby, begins to talk about ministry and conflicts in the church. We then get on the topic of women pastors and Dr. Julie Pennington Russells name is mentioned, and how at times she was persecuted simply for being a woman in ministry. She had protestors on her first Sunday of being a pastor in Texas who called her a Jezebel and Harlet in front of her young daughter who then turned to her mommy and asked, "Mommy, what is a Jezebel?" My heart once again was just burning with a passion to serve The Lord. Burning with a passion to spread the gospel even when it is difficult.

So to sum all of that up and how all of those pieces fit together would be impossible It's one thing to understand what I'm trying to get across, but it's something completely different I feel to understand the thought process inside of my mind. I want more than anything to serve The Lord and to be used by Him. I want more than anything to glorify God in every one of my actions even when it's hard and people aren't supportive.

At this point of my life, I truly feel as though The Lord is calling me to become a pastor. If that isn't the case though, my prayer is that The Lord will open up new doors and new avenues in order that I may follow His will for my life.

Powerful Message

Today, God blessed my heart more than any of you will ever know. As I walked through the glass doors of my church this morning, I was greeted as usual by beautiful people like always, and as I continued down the hall way and up the stairs, God really laid on my heart to be aware and to keep my ears open as the day progressed. I didn't have a clue what that meant other than I better keep my eyes, ears, and heart open at all times. I guess before I continue I should give you some background information for my morning... A few weeks ago, my pastor asked me if I would consider teaching his class this morning and hesitantly I agreed, and as I began preparing and looking through the scripture, the character of Rahab really stuck out to me. Each of us have Rahab characteristics.. sure, we're not all prostitutes, but some of us are thieves, some of us lie, some gossip, some even may be prostitutes, some may have an addiction to food, or to money. We all in some way or another can relate to Rahab. So this morning, I literally got on my face before The Lord and cried out to Him begging for Him to open my eyes to something new, so that is just what He did. I taught Sunday School this morning, and I learned more this morning than my class I'm sure. I then went into the worship service and we sang some beautiful worship songs and hymns. We then had the sermon preached to us by the wonderful Mark Beck who blesses my heart every time he steps into the pulpit. He did a monologue sermon about the character of Nicodemus, and being born again. I've heard that term all my life but I'm not sure I really did more than hear those words on surface level. This morning though as I listened I thought back to this past year and what all The Lord has done through my life to bring a sense of healing, and peace, and love, and acceptance that I had never felt before. The Lord did this incredible thing with my heart where He literally in my mind laid my heart out on a table and I had this incredible vision of God not only mending my broken heart but of literally molding it into something new. If I get brave in the next few weeks I may attempt to actually paint what The Lord showed me this morning. It was this beautiful image of what Christ does in each of our lives. He takes away the broken pieces of out lives and creates something new out of those pieces. So in case any of ya'll are wondering how you can pray for me over the next few weeks, I would greatly appreciate your prayers to figure out my calling. As I sat in church today The Lord really reaffirmed my calling to be a pastor but it's something that I'm not 100% sure of yet and I think that is because of my fear of failure. The Lord is really working on my hear though in preparing me for ministry and I truly feel called to the Pastoral Ministry. It's a new avenue I'm traveling though as for a while everytime the idea of becoming a pastor came up, I really pushed it back down for the fear that I would actually become a pastor. So prayers for confidence and that God will place people in my life to affirm that Call would be amazing. I'm ready to embrace whatever The Lord has for me. So here I am letting go of fear, letting go of failure, letting go of pain, and embracing the idea of being a 'born again Christian' I'm excited about this journey as I know in the next several weeks The Lord is going to be revealing even more ot me! Praise The Lord for loving me just as I am!

What Can I Say... I LOVE my job! =)

So yesterday God placed an incredible bit of information in my hands. At my job, I have 17 kids enrolled in my summer program. Out of those 17 kids, only 1 of them has parents who are still together and married. 5 of my kids are not allowed to see their father, and 2 have parents who are recently split up. As we sat in chapel yesterday I wanted to teach a lesson about Father's Day but as this statistic was revealed to me, I knew that was not what I was supposed to teach. I also found out that out of my 17 kids, none of them go to church. At that moment God made it clear to me that they have to see the love of Christ through me. That I have to show them love, I have to care about what they say, I have to hold them in my arms if they want to cry, I have to be interested in their lives. It made it clear to me that this was also another purpose of my summer, to introduce these beautiful children to the stories of the bible, to the healings of Jesus. I have to teach them the stories of Noah's Ark, and Jonah and the whale. I have to teach them about David and Goliath. It's crazy how much we take for granted about the bible. The stories we think that everyone's parents of grandparents read to them as bed time stories, but that really isn't the case. If you're reading this, please pray for my kids at work that they will through this summer atleast have that seed of the Holy Spirit placed in their hearts.

New Purpose

Wow! What an incredible thing that God has placed in my heart. If you've read some of my blog posts in the past, you will know that I feel as though I'm in the middle of a waiting process and as though for a while I didn't see my purpose in being home for the summer. Last night though, The Lord made it perfectly clear to me what my purpose is for this summer! As I was sitting at my grandma's house waiting for the girls to come to my bible study The Lord really spoke to my heart that my purpose was to love those girls and to spend my time pouring into their lives! As I left work yesterday I thought about the beautiful children that God has placed in my life to love on this summer, and then he is also defining my calling more and more in order that I can better serve Him. Me of little faith, going into bible study I only expected to have 3 or 4 girls at my bible study. We ended up having 6 girls come to our bible stdy and it was an incredible evening as we began to dig deep into the hearts of some of the girls that I have always gone to church with but I have never really gotten to know. It's so cool to see how a lot of thos same girls were the girls who were in the childrens department when I left for school and over the past year they have grown up an incredible amount! I'm so excited now about the summer and to see how else God is going to work in my heart and the hearts of those around me! I have an incredible opportunity to grow in my relationship with Christ as this summer continues. I am journeying to different churches to see how people worship in different ways so I'm really excited about that opportunity! I also am blessed to be able to lead my kids at work each week in a worship experience through chapel and if you're reading this, this is a huge need as many of my kids don't have a home church that they attend! I'm am also blessed to be able to take part in a bible study each week at Abby Thompson's house where she is leading a ladies bible study which the past two weeks have ben incredible! The third thing I get to take part in is co-leading a middle and high school girls bible study with my two best friends Caroline and Beth! I'm also blessed to get to take 3 college classes and go ahead and get them out of the way this summer which is going to be wonderful! Also it's been really wonderful to be a source of encouragement for my friends who are on the mission field and working camps this summer! I just can't wait to see what else God is going to do in my life this summer and show me this summer! It's going to be wonderful! =)

O How He Loves Us

Monday morning I started working at Amelon United Methodist where I am co-running a school age summer camp this summer. The kids there are so precious and make it so worthwhile for me to wake up at 5:00 to be at work by 6:30 each morning. My little project that I have undertaken this summer is to be in charge of chapel. This week I taught my kids how so much of the time there are a ton of distractions which makes it hard to hear the voice of God. We did an activity with this and then I began talking to them about missionaries. I have a group of 1-5th graders and they didn't know what a missionary. I then showed them a picture of one of my friends and told them that she was a missionary and that she is working at a camp in TN this summer, and told them a little more about her. We then prayed for her and my kids all wanted to say a prayer. After that we made cards to send to her and encourage her this week! Thanks God for placing in my heart a spirit of serving where I am in life rather than wanting to be somewhere else! I'm excited to encourage different friends each week by sending them letters or cards while they are serving this summer and in the process helping my kids at work to be mini- missionaries! Praise God for His faithfullness! =)

Wal-Mart Revelations

Monday began just like any other day. I got up, went to work hung out with the kids, and then left work. I decided that I wanted to go to Wal-Mart after work and pick up a few groceries. Little did I know at this time that God was going to give me an incredible revelation that I had been searching for for monthes. As I went in Wal-Mart I grabbed what I needed and headed to the speedy check-out lane. Thinking that I was doing the kind thing and what God told me to do I allowed a lady in front of me who only seemed as though she had a Sierra Mist. Come to find out she also had to buy a gift card. After about 30 minutes of standing in line, a gentlemen came and told the rest of us in line to come to customer services. As we got to that line there were about 20 people already in that line and all of the other open lanes were filled with people as well. Finally I got to the back of another lane and about that time the lane I was originally in began to once again move.

So long story short, God taught me a huge lesson in "the big P".. in case you didn't know, that stands for patience. God, in those moments taught me a lesson in being still and waiting for Him to direct my steps. I learned in those moments that it's okay to not busily move around becaue in those times I miss out on the details that God wants me to see. God taught me that it's okay to not know all of the details of my life right now, but to stay in the moment and look for opportunites where I am.

I finally have peace about the summer. I'm finally able to say that I'm okay with being at home. No, it's not easy to read facebook and see how so many of my friends are missionaries in other countries or working at camps. If I would have chosen to embark on the journey of going to Camp Merri-Mac I would have left on Monday and arrived there at noon to begin training. So needless to say Monday was not an easy day for me but in the middle of my Wal-Mart Revelation, God made it clear to me that right now is my time to wait and that in His timing He will show me where and how to move.

So in case you wanted to know...

TODAY was awful.. okay, maybe i'm over exaggerating a bit.. Today, I woke up and was planning on having Chik-Fila for lunch before I started working on my English work. As I drove up to Chik-Fila, the line was backed up ALLL the way around the building, and the line was crazy inside so I changed plans and just went to SHEETZ. okay, so that wasn't too bad. I then headed over to Barnes and Noble and began doing things just to cross them off of my to-do-list that felt as though it was over a mile long. After studying for about 2 hours for my English Final Exam, I opened the test on my computer and for some reason although my internet had been perfect all day, as soon as I opened my test, the internet stopped working therefore causing me not to be able to take my test. Let's say a little prayer that my professor is in a generous mood or either I'm screwed to the max. I then, angrily leave Barnes and Noble and at this time it is already 5:30 and I am supposed to be at a party at 6 which in case you were wondering.. I didn't make it to it. I then get my Chik-Fila for myself and my family and head home to begin my English paper. I finish that, turn it in, pray for atleast a C, and then continue on to take my Art test, where my internet freezes and continues to close my browser before I even answer the first question. Then, not 5 minutes later, family members come into the house yelling at one another, in a non friendly tone. All of this to say, God taught me something incredible today. By the way, sorry for the venting.

During my incredibly stressful and busy day today, God taught me a lesson that I will never forget. He taught me to not live a life filled with checklists. I think for me, a lot of times it is so easy for me to get caught up in making to-do-lists, making Wal-Mart lists, making out calendars where I fill every possible nook and cranny of my time with something because I'm scared of free time. God taught me today, that it is time for me to stop living like a check-list Christian. God wants us to live a life where we are free to change to conform to the will of God. God created us not for us to fill our lives with stuff, but to fill our lives with love, and with peace, and with hope. I think it is so easy to have the mind set of completing a task and moving right on to the next thing. Let us stope for a moment and reflect on the GREATNESS of our God! =)

SO, I'm pretty sure I have the coolest friends ever! =)

So as I woke up this morning, the first thing that came to my mind was how much of a servant's heart each of my friends has. This summer alone, I have three friends working at Appalachian Outreach, I have 5 friends working at Passport, I have 2 friends- probaly more working at Fuge, I have 2 friends working as youth interns at FBC Jeff City, I have atleast 3 friends who are serving in some area of Africa, I have 3 friends serving in Bolivia, I have 3 friends serving at Camp Wesley Woods in TN, I have a friend at Camp Crest Ridge, I have a friend working at a camp in Missouri, I have a friend working at a camp in New Mexico, I have friends working at various churches, I have friends taking summer classes to prepare for the future, and I have friends who are at home spending much needed times with family and friends as they give so much of themselves to The Lord during the school year. So yes, I have AMAZING friends! I'm so thankful that God has placed each of these people in my life when He did because I don't know what I would do without a single one of them! Thanks for serving The Lord friends! =)

Baby Champ is here! =)

So this morning, at 2:00am my baby cousin, Champion Elijah Brooks was born! I'm so excited.. he has to be the most precious baby I have ever seen. It was such a beautiful thing to walk into the hospital room at about 2:30am and see this 3o minute old baby lying on the little cart with his tiny hands and feet stretching all out after being confined in my cousins womb for 9 months. This time really made me think about the awesomeness of God and how He took the time to create each one of us differently, and He chose the exact moment and day we would be born, and the family we would be born into. I'm just in awe of the power of Christ! =)

Freedom through Christ

So, I'm about to get really honest in this post..

Up until today, I didn't have a clue what my purpose for this summer was, and I'm still not sure that I know what God's purpose is completely but I think I finally have a clue and an idea. I'm called to Love God and Love people. You may think, isn't this what we're all supposed to do all day everyday? Why yes, it is, and that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the gospels as seriously as I can and I'm going to serve God wherever He places me and not complain about where I am or what I'm doing because I know that whatever happens this summer in some way or another is going to shape me into the person I am becoming. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little scared because I honestly don't know how God is going to have me step out of my comfort zone, but I have a feeling it's going to be in an incredible way, and it's possibly going to be painful but I'm excited! I start work week after next at the daycare I worked at my senior year of high school and then I am also getting the opportunity to lead a girls bible study with my best friend, Caroline Hall, and I am getting the opportunity to participate in another bible study with my college friends! God is great! This week I have gotten the opportunity to take some time for myself where I have been able to just lay on the beach for hours at a time and it has been such an incredible time as I rarely ever take any time for myself because when I do I feel selfish. I have really learned over the past couple of weeks that God is really shaping my summer and it' exciting to be able to hear His voice and listen to His commands. For example, I was supposed to go on a mission trip to KY in July and God has closed so many doors to that which I thought I would have been devesated about but instead I have such an incredible amount of peace about this that only could have come from Christ and Christ alone. I'm not saying that I'm excited about not being able to go to KY, but I know that atleast until I get more information, this is not what God wants for this summer which has been a hard thing for me to accept because I have such a heart and a passion for the people of Eastern KY. I learned from a great mentor over this past year in school a quote that really stuck with me. He said, "Not now doesn't mean never." Just because God doesn't want me in KY this summer doesn't mean I will never have this opportunity again. Another thing that has been hard for me is this idea that I have cleaned out my room. Although that was such a liberating feeling, it is something that I still haven't been able to fully accept. It's hard to let go of 19 year of junk. I don't think you would understand though unless you had that much junk yourself. Even though it is liberating it is still a sense of bondage as well. My prayer for this week is that God will let me get over this loss of junk and that He will continue to fill my heart with peace. I don't want to be a person who is held back by material possessions. I don't want things to hold me back from being the woman God has created me to be but I don't know how to change this. Getting rid of that stuff was what was needed for this summer even though it was painful. God didn't want me to sell the stuff but rather to just get rid of it. I'm excited to see what God is going to do with my obedience and my love and desire to serve Him! =)

Sweetly Broken

So today, I reached the point where I can honestly say that I've been sweetly broken. I realized today that at the end of the summer, I will have a grand total of $360.00 to my name after I pay my phone bill for the next three months, and pay for 3 summer classes, and for some reason I have an incredible amount of peace about it all. I'm giving my future to God because I know that He has a plan for my summer and for the upcoming year. I know that God is a provider and that if He will dress the flowers in beauty in the fields, then why should I worry and freak out. God knows what I need! He does! I'm so nervous about this summer because I honestly don't have a clue why anything is happening, but I have confidence that everything is going to be okay.

This past week has been incredibly difficult for me and today I finally just had a breakdown and I really don't know why. During the past month or so, God has given me the word 'simplicity' on several occasions and I really didn't understand it. This summer, God is calling me to begin living a life of simplicity and in all honesty, it is incredibly difficult and painful to begin living a life of simplicity when I'm used to living a life where I have not only my needs met, but most all of my wants as well.

Last week before I even came home from school, God really challenged me to come home and clean out my room. Let me just draw you a little mental image, literally my room was so filled with junk that I didn't even know where to begin on my own. My room had gotten to a point where I could literally open the door and get to my bed and that's about it. 19 years worth of birthday cards and notes from friends. Journals from middle school and highschool. stuffed animals, some toys, random odds and ends, and JUNK. I have an amazing friend who I asked if she would come and help me clean because I knew that she wouldn't judge me in the process. So that is what Monday and Tuesday consisted of for me. I cleaned and decluttered my room. 5 trashbags to the dump, and 2 boxes 3 totes and a trash bag to the goodwill later, I can finally say my room is clean. Praise the Lord. That was such a painful process. It took so much time to clean my room and so many memories were brought to the front of my mind. Most good, but some a little painful, but all in all it was an incredibly healing process.

SIMPLICITY: the lifestyle God is calling me to this summer. I'm excited to see His plan for my summer and for the rest of my life. I'm all His! =)

The Start of Something New! =)

Why do I get so scared to make decisions? I think lately I've truly grasped the idea that one of my professors spoke so frequently this semester. He said on many occasions, "Self care is not selfish" another thing that he said to me on a number of days was, "you can only make the best decisions at the time with the best information given" I did not at the time realize nor understand why those two quotes stuck out to me, but I'm so thankful that I heard those words now. There have been many times in the past three months or so where I had to let people down and although they weren't huge deals, this was the first time in my whole life where I had to make decisions that I knew would benefit me and where I knew I would let other people down in the process which is incredibly difficult for me because I am very much a people pleaser. By not working at camp this summer I had to let a whole camp down and at that same time I had to give up the opportunity to ever work at that camp again because of my decision to spend time with my family this summer and work and take classes. A few weeks after that, I had to make a decision to come home a couple of days early this summer and not work at Game Time in TN in which I had attended training for to be a counselor. I then even when I got home had to make a decision to let my music minister down in order to go to the beach with my family. In making these decisions, God is teaching me so much especially the idea that I am worth more than I think I am worth and in life I deserve to be happy as well.

This summer for me is a time where I am having to do some really difficult things. I am spending my summer in school, I am working a 40 hour a week job, and I am spending more time with my family loving on them for who they are. This summer for me is also for me a time where God has called me to simplify. God has been calling me to a life of simplicity for over a year now, and I am finally at a place where I am able to simplify without it being painful. I am able to get rid of some things that bring back painful memories. I am at a point where I am able to throw away journals from middle school and highschool as well as yard sale trinkets and junk from people who I am no longer friends with. This summer is about literally and figuratively cleaning out my closet and letting go of baggage that has been holding me back for so many years.

I think for me, it has been incredibly important to have on of my best friends in the entire world, Katie Tyree who helped me clean out my room today and is going to come back to my house tomorrow and finish helping me. Today, in a matter of 6 hours, we took out 5 trashbags full of trash and junk to the dump and filled up two boxes, and a trashbag for the goodwill or yard sale. I can already feel so much freedom and liberation through this. I can already feel weight lifted off of my shoulders and it is such an incredible feeling. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this simplification period of my life for His glory.