The Fog of Life

Recenlty, my church family has experienced a lot of pain and a lot of heartache over some negative decisions of our youth directors. As I sit here and type this, my heart is literally shattered into a million pieces. I feel like my view of church has been jaded by this situation and I just want normality back in the midst of what seems like complete chaos. I just want love to fill the crevices of hatred. I just want joy to wrap the sadness in its arms. Last night, one of my best friends from home sent me a prayer that she had wrote out and messaged it to me saying, "I didn't know what to do with this, so I sent it to you" So now I'm going to share her beautiful words with you and pray that they find you in need of some comfort.



I can cover up the pain and hurt all day long with friends and fun activities but when I stop to think its like I'm standing in the rain but can't feel the cold wetness dripping down my face.

This is all a blur because I know that if I let it become clear it will hurt me so much that I won't be able to handle this alone.

I don't know where God is in this situation. If I was not able see my friends and family also looking for him, I would have given up the search already. I hope that he will reveal his plan soon because the pain will only get worse before it can possibly get better.

What are you doing, Father? The last time I felt this hurt was accompanied by one of the best hours of my life. I'm sorry that I am questioning and doubting your abilities. I'm imperfect and scared. Help me. Here I am. Change me to be better for you

There's such truth in what she is saying there.. God of love, show yourselves to us and our congregation during this time of confusion.

God of Inclusion

I recently have been working on a paper on the Fundamentalist Takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention, and this is a little something I wrote as I was doing some work on the subject on my story and why I think this is important to learn about. =)

       As I think of church, one of the first pictures that comes to my mind is this beautiful senior adult woman in my church known as ‘Granny Franklin’ who would ungrasp me from my grandmothers dress and hold me until I stopped crying each and every Sunday with persistence and with love until I realized that I had a place in the three year old Sunday School room. As a child, and even up until my middle school years, I was very well sheltered from business meetings of the church where people argued. I was sheltered from the pain that the Southern Baptist Convention showered onto many congregations. Growing up with Liberty University and Thomas Road Baptist Church right out of my back door I never knew how many people the Southern Baptist Convention hurt. I didn’t realize until my junior year of high school what the Southern Baptist controversy was which made it a harsh reality to face when the God of love, mercy, and inclusion called me to be a pastor. I grew up in a church ten minutes from Liberty University but I luckily had pastors and a congregation that loved everyone for who they were and accepted me and my call to ministry and others in their callings as well.

     Being sheltered from the Southern Baptist conflict hurt as I began to openly share with pastors and others in my community that I was called by God to proclaim the Gospel as a pastor of a church. It wasn’t until I was hurt by many people that I finally realized the impact that the Southern Baptist Convention had on Lynchburg Virginia and many other places. It wasn’t until I shared my calling a number of times to important people in my life and their response was something to the effect of, “you would be a great youth minister,” or “have you ever thought about being a children’s minister” or even, “I think that you would be awesome starting a woman’s ministry around here, you would be great ministering to women in our community” that I finally removed the shade that had been blinding me and finally wanted to know more. I wanted to know why I couldn’t be a pastor. I wanted to know what made women and men different to serve God. I had more questions that I had answers and I had more anger than I had joy. I was mad at God and I was angry at my church for affirming me in something that to so many people seemed morally wrong. I was angry at my loving and caring church family for allowing me space to grow and to use my gifts when I realized in the real world or at least the real world of Lynchburg that my gifts were not valid.

        Thankfully though I was able to come to a beautiful place called Carson-Newman where the pieces began to fall together. I saw the beauty in so many places such as seeing Dr. Christine Jones serve God by being a minister not only at church by teaching but also by being a professor and proclaiming God’s words that are written in the Old Testament. The lights finally began to fully shine as I sat in chapel in complete awe of Rev. Julie Pennington Russell preaching at a chapel service, which was the first time I had ever heard or seen a woman preach a sermon. It was through Dr. Chad Hartsock wrecking my Christmas story, in New Testament Class, that I had always believed, and then through Dr. Ross Brummett putting the pieces back together and allowing me space to think and to feel the love of God through Spiritual Growth and Development that I was able to fully understand that Baptist’s have conflicts but that God calls boys and girls, women and men, and grandmas and grandpas the same. I was able to fully understand that God is not an angry dictator that can’t use women and men equally and that sometimes we may not understand God and what is asked of us. Learning about the Fundamentalist Takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention provides answers to questions and opens many doors for people to serve God no matter who they are because we serve an inclusive God that is full of love. Learning about the Fundamentalist Takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention allows individuals and congregations the ability to take a step back to really realize what we believe about Christianity and God.

Let the Healing Rain Fall

Precious God! I come to you tonight on behalf of my entire congregation of Randolph Memorial Baptist Church and we are broken. I pray that you cradle us in your arms and comfort us like a mother rocking her restless newborn to sleep. Help us find rest in Your arms. Help us to find peace in the midst of this chaos. Help us to cope with the stabbing pains that consume us. Help us to mourn because we have lost something precious to us. Help calm our anxious thoughts as we are reminded that You love us and that You created us. Help us to share with You our deepest hurts. Allows us to cry at Your feet because we do not understand what is going on around us. Help us to ask questions even if they have no answers. Loving Sustainer, help us to stand when all we can do is lie on our faces in tears. God, help us to find community in one another. I pray that our circumstances will not consume us but that the similarity of the pain we all share will bring us closer to one another. As we are blinded by the mist and fog of wounded hearts, give us new visions that we cannot see on our own. Daddy, help us to spend adequate time mourning the loss but during that time, strengthen us to dance to the beat of the new life song of Randolph Memorial Baptist Church. Give us voices to sing praises to You, The Almighty. Don’t let us wallow in our sorrows but rather give us a joy that cannot be taken. Give us words to proclaim Your goodness. Give us new life, shower us with abundant joy. Help our church to regain its health and heal our wounds, O Great Physician. Peacemaker, shine Your light on those who criticize and help them to see that they are wasting beautiful moments of their lives by wreaking havoc on the lives of others. God, do what You do, show us what You have in store. God, we know that You alone bring beauty from ashes and we are looking forward to when that moment comes. Amen

Just Right (MHBC Sermon)

This morning I had the complete blessing and honor to get to worship with a sister church in Madison Heights! It was such a wonderful experience to worship Our God as a family and as a community! The music blessed my heart so much and the affirmation and encouragement of the congregation of my calling was something that is so important to me! Thank You Madison Heights Baptist Church for making me feel a part of your church family!

Just Right 1 Samuel 17:32-49

God of Grace and God of Mercy, in these moments together, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of our hearts together in this place be pleasing in your sight, O Lord our God our Rock and our Redeemer. Amen.

Fear?

            Fear!

            Fear.

            What is your greatest fear? Webster’s Dictionaries definition of fear is an unpleasant often

strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger or an anxious concern. The reality

show Fear Factor is intriguing to me. As I watch this show, I see people overcome challenges and do

things I would never dream of doing. I see people overcome what scares them the most and as they

complete the challenges, I love to see the smiles and laughter of accomplishment that they share.

These people challenge us to do the hard thing and to face the giants that get in our face and try to

keep us from growing and seeing the beauty of who we are.    Fear is a four letter word that at times

causes us to be paralyzed in a place of indecision and anxiety. I can remember as a young child into

early middle school being absolutely terrified to venture into my dark basement without someone

with me, which was usually my younger brother Dakota, for the fear of the unknown was scarier than

the reality of what was really down there which was nothing more than a washer, dryer, and other

odds and ends. This pattern of fear continued into my high school years with a fear that I was not

good enough, smart enough, or that my loud laugh or fast speech would cause people to not like me.

The idea of fear drizzled into my college life as well and at times it caused me to question my choice

of college and if my calling to become a minister was truly a call from God or if my ambitions were

overpowering the voice of God. Luckily though I came to a place where confidence outweighed the

fear and I was able to make decisions with faith and not with fear. I moved to a place where God

transformed my mind from believing that I was too much or not enough and showed me that I was, in

fact, just right. God showed me that I was created for a purpose and that I needed to have my heart

refocused and instead of looking through my dirty and broken lens of who I thought that I was, that I

needed to look through God’s lens who was graciously holding it out for me to take a glance. That

glance then turned into me wanting more of the beauty that God was offering which turned into my

disfigured lens and God’s perfect lens colliding for a new vision, a new vision that brought so much

freedom. Our loving God allowed my fear to be turned into faith and wants the same for each one of

you today as well.

            Journey with me to the ancient world, to the familiar story of David and Goliath as we look at

it not through the lens that we have always had, but rather through a new lens, the lens of God, who is

holding out our lens of redemption patiently waiting on us to take a glance. If you have your Bibles

turn with me to 1 Samuel 17: 32-37 where the first part of our story for today comes from.  

³² David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.” ³³ Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.” ³⁴ But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, ³⁵ I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. ³⁶ Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. ³⁷ The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.” This is the word of the Lord, thanks be to God.

            How many times do we go throughout our day to day lives and wish that we were something or someone different than who we actually are? How often do we lose confidence thinking that we do not meet up to the titles and expectations others place on us, or worse those that we place on ourselves? Parker Palmer says, “The greatest fear is the fear of irrelevancy.” I think that’s true. We all strive to be important and to be noticed. We want people to love us and so we sometimes compromise who we really are for who others want us to be for the fear of rejection.

It was mid July after I had finished my junior year in high school. The rain was pouring down, my clothes were drenched, and in comes this boy who looked about 6 years of age into the gym of Manchester Baptist Church where I was serving on a mission trip with the Lynchburg Baptist Association. He immediately ran to the closet pulled out a basketball and began shooting hoops by himself. The smile never left his face. The gleam never left his eyes. As we told stories of Jesus, he sat still and intently listened to every word that was spoken. The day of Bible School ended and we loaded up the children to take them to their homes. All of the children had been dropped off and this young boy was the last one. The pastor of the church joked around with this child like he were his own and once more the smile and the joy never left this young mans’ face. We take a curvy road that seems to never end on a narrow road barely large enough for a car to pass through muchless a church van. We then turn up a steep driveway to this boys home. There was trash everywhere, and the home was tiny. I assumed that it must just be a mother and father or either or that lived there and then this child named Jeremy. Pastor Ken and I left their home and headed back towards the church when he began to tell me this childs story. In this small trailer lived a mother, father, a younger sibling, two grandparents, and Jeremy. I was then told how Jeremy’s home did not have steps on the front until a week prior to our arrival and all they used were cinderblocks to climb the 5 foot space to the front door. I was told that because of his living environments that social services were in the process of trying to get him removed from his home which to him was no different than what he had always known. To him, this was home. To Jeremy, what looked to me as poverty was actually richness. He had a sense of joy that could not be taken from him. As I saw this home and the living environments of this child, my heart broke. I realized then for the first time that some of us live life in what seems like a never ending cycle of poverty and disappointments . I understood through Jeremy though that we can overcome. I understood through his joy that no matter what circumstances we go through that God is there ready to hold us up and carry us through the difficult times. I learned through Jeremy that God is fighting on our behalves so that we don’t have to fight so hard on our own.

Like our character David, Jeremy was able to see that even in the face of adversity that God is God and fights with us and for us! God doesn’t leave us alone. In the middle of the storms of life as the lightning strikes, the thunder rumbles, and the rain pours, Let us dance. Let us sing. Let us praise God.

This story of Jeremy is just one example of how God uses us where we are and allows our joy to not be compromised or taken away because of circumstances and situations that are beyond our control. We see this theme as we continue our story of David. We see the least likely get chosen as King. We see the youngest of Jesse’s sons get chosen to be the King of Israel even though he was a young man about my age with no leadership or military experience. As we read the Old Testament and even the New Testament we see God continuously use the people who are broken, those who are sick, those who are the outcasts in the community. We see God choosing the least likely candidates to do the jobs that need to get done, and we see them succeed. We see God taking ordinary people and using them in extraordinary ways. We see God use what to many would look like flaws as means to change the world and to change the hearts of people.  Let’s take another look at this story. Follow with me in your Bible where we left off as we continue on this journey

³⁸ Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. ³⁹ David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. ⁴⁰ Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine. ⁴¹ Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. ⁴² He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. ⁴³ He said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. ⁴⁴ “Come here,” he said, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals! ” ⁴⁵ David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. And this is the Word of the Lord, thanks be to God.

            How often do we give God the credit when we accomplish a goal? I know at times that I don’t take the time to give God the praise for what has been done for me. In a society that is driven by the need for success or to be looked up to as a role model, it gets hard at times to remember our purpose and that we are called by God to be servants and to help those in need rather than climb the economic or physical appearance wall of success that leaves us defeated more times than not because we can never seem to measure up as we compare ourselves to those around us. When we make the transition to understanding what success really is in life I think that we will find that it is in the people that we love, the lives that we touch, and the tears that we shed along lifes journey. I think that when we make the transition to understand that God is fighting for us and that God is on our side, it is then that we can take off our masks that hide our true passions. It is then that the light of Christ will be shone through us so brightly that it cannot be dimmed by those who are out to tear us down and to make us feel unworthy of God’s love or for that matter any love and acceptance whatsoever.

            David knew where he stood. His confidence that came from The Lord allowed Him to be the leader that the Israelites needed. David knew that the task in front of Him was one of great importance. He knew that in order for it to be made known that David’s God, which is the same God that we serve today, is the ultimate ruler and the ultimate King. David knew that God’s hand was directing his stones and because of David’s love and faithfulness to God, the Isrealites were able to win the war and Our God was able to be crowned victorious beside the polytheistic gods of the Philistines. Follow with me as we finish this story in 1 Samuel 17:47- 49.

⁴⁷ All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” ⁴⁸ As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. ⁴⁹ Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face down on the ground.  Thanks be to God for this unfailing Word.

            How awesome is it that OUR God, the same God that was with David is still willing to help us fight our battles today. Many of us struggle with battles that no one knows of but ourselves and maybe a few of our closest friends or family members. Maybe the giant that we are facing today is the declining health of ourselves or a family member. Maybe it’s bills that keep piling up where we can’t find a way to get ahead. Maybe that giant is someone who puts us down and hurts us on a regular basis. Maybe the giant is ourselves. Or maybe the giant is our mask of perfection that we put on around people because we fear that they will not accept us for who we are or what our goals in life are.

            December of 2006, Katie Davis, an 18 year old from Brentwood, TN, traveled to Uganda for the first time on a short term mission trip. Immediately she was captivated and amazed there with the people and their culture. Katie then went back to Uganda in the summer of 2007 to teach Kindergarten at an orphanage. As she walked the children-home, she was shocked to see the great number of children who were sitting alone by the roadside or working in the fields. It was then that she learned that there were not very many government-run public schools in Uganda, and there was not a single one in the area that she was working. Most of the schools in Uganda are private schools that require fees to be paid in order for attendance, which makes it impossible for impoverished children to afford to get an education. God put it on Katie’s heart to begin a child sponsorship program. Katie’s original plan was to have 40 children in the program but by January of 2008 there were 150 children signed up. In 2008, Katie adopted 3 Ugandan girls. In the last few years, Katie has started a feeding program to the community where over 1600 children are nourished on a weekly basis. By her offering this feeding program, it allows the children the ability to go to school so that they don’t have to spend their time begging on the streets. As Katie began developing relationships with these people, she saw the need to empower the women so she initiated a program where they make jewelry to sell and they are also taught a money management class. Now the mom of 13 Ugandan daughters, Katie offers, “People tell me I am brave. People tell me I am strong. People tell me good job. Well here is the truth of it. I am really not that brave, I am not really that strong, and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am just doing what God called me to do as a follower of Him. Feed His sheep, do unto the least of His people.” Katie left the United States as an 18 year old girl to move to a foreign land. Now 24 years old, she has 13 daughters that she cares for on a daily basis. Katie left the wall of the pressure to attend college by her parents, her friends thinking that she was crazy, and the comfort of her home to go where God called her to. I think this shows us something today. What are we willing to sacrifice? Where is God calling us to serve and to be a presence of joy? Katie recognized the fact that God’s call cannot be muffled by our fears. God’s call is strong and does not fail to continue on when we try to ignore it. God may not be calling you to pick up your life and move to a foreign country, but what can we do here in Madison Heights to the hurting, and lonely people that we see on a daily basis? What do we have to offer?

Like David, Katie has a confidence and a shield of protection from God. Both stood up to the plate, and like Babe Ruth said, “didn’t let the fear of striking out keep them from playing the game.” What is God calling us to today? Where is God leading us on our journey?

Recognizing that we are created uniquely in the image of God is important. There is not another one of us. God gives us each our own passions for a specific purpose. God gives us a song to play and it’s our decision what kind of dance we want to create with it.

            As we hear the story of David and Goliath, it is important to remember that God is not guaranteeing that we will win every battle. Our marriages may fail and jobs may disappear. The obstacles and hardships of life may seem overwhelming, but it is important to remember that we don’t have to go through life alone. We have to remember that our loving and gracious God does not leave us when life gets hard but rather holds us in loving arms like a mother holding her newborn child. God hears our cries when we feel alone and is right there with us along the journey of life.

            This week I encourage us to not play the compare and contrast game with the people we surround ourselves with. Let us remember that we were created for a purpose and by a God of creativity who made each one of us with our own gifts and abilities. The next time we think that we are not enough or that we are too much, let us throw off that fear of inadequacy and embrace that God created us the way that we are supposed to be. God created us to be Just Right.

            Let us pray.

Daddy God, thank you for loving us just the way we are, but so much that You won’t allow us to remain that way. Give us confidence when we have none of our own. Give us peace when we are scrambling with anxiety. Let us live a life filled with faith rather than fear. Amen.

From Foundation to Fruition

     As many of you know, I am going to school to answer God's call to become a pastor which would not have been made possible without these three men in the above picture. Some may call them the three stooges, but to me they are so much more than that. These are the three pastors that I have had growing up at Randolph Memorial Baptist Church. These are who I looked at as role models of what a minister looks like and I am so thankful that all three of them took their job seriously so that transitioning into the role of a minister will hopefully be a smooth one for me.

     From the time I was a small child, the members and leaders of Randolph Memorial have been there to support each other and to encourage one another in the good times and to hold one another up in the storms that life brings that try so hard to knock us off of our feet! I am thankful that our church was built on a firm foundation and not shifting sand! I'm thankful that I have grown up in a church where every calling is equal where a minister is not looked at better than a teacher or doctor. I'm thankful that little boys and girls in our church are taught to follow their dreams and that they will be accepted for who they are.

     Rev. Grant Carter was the first pastor that I ever knew and served as the pastor of our church from 1988-2004! Rev. Carter showed our congregation the love of Jesus and built the foundation of Christianity that allowed my continual growth as years have passed. Grant took the model of Jesus seriously by making sure that the children of the church felt loved and accepted through making us a part of worship and through his weekly childrens sermons as well as his dedication and excitement for Vacation Bible School each year.

     The second pastor in this picture is Rev. Mark Beck. Mark was an interim pastor who pastored at our church for 2 years. During that time Mark had a huge impact on my life because as an awkward middle schooler with so much change going on Mark was there as a constant for our congregation which I am very thankful for. As the tectonic plates of Randolph Memorial were shifting and our church leadership almost completely changed during those two years, Mark was there and helped that transition period to go smoothly which was such a huge blessing for our entire congregation. It was during Mark's time as our pastor that I was baptized and really started to take seriously the words that were preached in church and taught in youth and Sunday School. It was during those years that I first felt that still small voice inside inching me towards becoming a minister. Mark's sermons were ones that everyone could relate to as his job as a counselor and pastor were seen intertwined into his sermons and through his daily life.

     The third pastor who has had an influential role in my life and the llife and growth of our church is Dr. Derik Hamby who is our current pastor. Derik has shown our congregation the love of Christ but also has challenged us to not remain surface level Christian's but to rather take that deeper plunge in order to achieve greater growth. I'm thankful for Derik and his affirmation of me becoming a pastor because without that encouragement I don't know that I would be pursuing that call. I'm thankful that Randolph Memorial is a place where I can grow and is a safe place for me to learn how to become an effective minister in a non-threathning or criticizing environment. Derik has helped me to understand that women just as well as men can be pastors and leaders of churches which I have always known but had never been verbalized to me before that point.

     This summer I have the opportinity to be an intern alongside Derik and the other staff members of our church through the Congregational Collegiate Internship through the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship. I am thankful that the CBF does this program to help ministers in training have the ability to not just see the pretty parts of ministry but also all of the hard work that goes into making a church a growing and thriving place to be. I'm thankful that I have wonderful ministers to work alongside and that they are wonderful examples of taking the gospel seriously and loving everyone who walks into the doors of our church but more importantly who love those who have never and may never step foot into our building. I'm thankful and blessed beyond words that I serve in a church where we serve our church members, community, state, country, and world through mission offerings as well as supporting missionaries through finanical means but most importantly through prayer and constant encouragement.

      Another very important role model in my life is my uncle Rev. David Fitzgerald who is the Minister of Music at Wake Forest Baptist Church in North Carolina. As a kid growing up some of my favorite memories were going to see my Uncle David in his element and to see the hard work that he had put forth in order to glorify God through his cantata's, youth plays and musicals, and piano concerts. Having a minister in my family made it easy for me to fall into that role as well because it wasn't something new, rather someone else filling those shoes and continuing that legacy.

     I just finished my sophomore year of college at Carson-Newman College in TN where I am double majoring in Religion and Human Services. It is there that I found my comfort zone where I could grow and be challenged in ways that I never would have imagined and I have been encouraged by professors, staff members, and other students. In 2 years Carson-Newman has become my second home and a place that I will be forever thankful for. It was at Carson-Newman that I first saw a woman preach and it just happened to be Rev. Julie Pennington Russell during the Ashe-Henderson Lectures of 2011. It was at that point that God used her in a way to make me confident and finally accept the call on my life to become a pastor and since then I have preached two sermons and will preach three more this summer.

    I am forever grateful for the people who have taken a chance on me and saw and showed me gifts in myself that I didn't see until they pointed them out. To my pastors, family, professors, and the many others who have been there and affirmed me, THANK YOU!

You are Christ like, why aren't we?

"Daddy, you are Christlike, why arent we? Why do we go into our churches covered by our masks of perfection like we have it all figured out? Why do we judge people without getting to know their hearts? Why do we hide our fears, failures, shame, and guilt all while shaking our heads at those who take that first step of vulnerability? What if we stopped living out of our oughts and freshly began to live out of our faith and our joy? What if we looked at every person with a sense of wonder rather than judgement? What if we truly loved our neighbors as ourselves? What if we embraced the beauty of our unique and treasured brothers and sisters? Father God, break these chains of insecurity and fear. Open our eyes to things unseen, Let us embrace change and new ideas. Mother God, hold us in your arms when we are too scared to take that first step of faith to love those who are different than ourselves! Help us to live as ONE in your spirit! Show us how to love like you love."

     This past weekend I had the privilege to participate in a conversation about sexuality and the church. The conference was put on by The Cooperative Baptist Fellowship and it was a great time of listening, learning, growing, and being transformed all in a respectful conversation and time of reflection. If you are interested in watching the videos from the conference which I strongly encourage you can see them at www.thefellowship.info/conference

     The above prayer is one that I wrote during one of the sessions that we participated in over the weekend and I wanted to share it with you all. I was confronted with the idea that in our churches much of the time our actions and mindsets do not reflect that of Christs. I truly believe that our churches have the ability to be such a place of growth and transformation if we come in with a sense of vulnerability and acceptance for those who are different than us and even the same as ourselves. I wish that our churches could be a hospital for the broken, embraceful arms for those who need comfort, and a compassionate sense of joy for everyone who comes into our church!

Hope you all have a blessed day!

Blessings,
Jaime

Carson-Newman Hunger Games

Friends,

I have an opportunity to take part in the Carson-Newman Hunger Games. If you all have read the books or seen the movie than you know what the big hype about the Hunger Games is. If not, I will try to give you a concise description. Basically The Hunger Games take place in a post appocalyptic world in the United States. In the Hunger Games there are 12 districts and each year they have an activity put on by The Capitol or their Government where 2 teenagers betweent the ages of 12 and 17 are taken to an arena to fight for their life as only one person can live.

So with that being said, Carson-Newman is putting on our own Hunger Games. I was chosen as a tribute from the commuter district and the games beging tomorrow. I will be taken to a farm at an undisclosed location and have to fight for my life with Nerf Weapons being my worst enemy. =)

We are doing this as a fundraiser to help Appalachian Outreach which is a service organization here in Jefferson City that helps low income families through providing clothes, food, and other necessary items to live as well as The Samaritan House which is a home for women, children, and families who do not have a home in order to try and get them back on their feet.

If you are interested in supporting me, you can give me a call at 434-944-8746 or email me at Jnfitzgerald@cn.edu

You can also call my mentor Abi Parker at 270-469-5641 or email her at arparker@cn.edu

Any amount will help greatly.

You all are so amazing! Thanks for helping me win the games and to help people in need at the same time!

Blessings,
Jaime

'My name is Jaime and I am the coolest person in the whole world! God loves me so much and has gifted me so much. Everyone around me thinks I am the biggest blessing ever and I am so valuable to them! I am cherished and secure in who I am and am so thankful to Gor all that He has made me!"

I've been hacked! Thanks Erin, you're awesome! Love you so much! =)

The Experience of Preaching my first Sermon! =)

       As I think back through the past 20 years, I realized that I have sat through over 1200 sermons, many of which impacted my life and faith in incredible ways and others that I could have easily slept through. I have heard countless pastors from different denominations each with their own style and voice. I have heard men and women, african-american and caucasian, Baptist and Catholic, young and old, and Conservative and liberal pastors. I have been to large churches as well as small churches. I have countless quotes from several intriguing pastors in a journal as well as many on bulletin inserts.

        About a month ago I had the oppotunity to be part of someone elses experiences of different pastors that they heard. I was on the other side of the game. I was the one who allowed the Holy Spirit to convict hearts, transform lives, or to plant a seed of encouragement in a struggling heart. Words from my sermon were probably written in journals or on the offering envelopes that are placed on the back of the pews. Preaching my first sermon was the most humbling experience of my life.

        February 5th 2012 was a day that will forever be etched into my heart. The day finally came where for the first time in my life I knew exactly what God wanted me to do with the rest of my life. I finally felt such a sense of peace about calling. God allowed so many people who are dear to my heart give me encouragement as well as affirmation that I am currently walking down the exact path that I am supposed to be! February 5th was a day that will sadly not happen in many Baptist churches for the simple fact that many people would never ask a female to preach in their congregation muchless call them as a senior or even associate pastor.

        I was able to preach as part of Martha Stearns Marshall Month of preaching which has been a month where churches ask females to preach during the month of February. This month began in 2007. I hope that one day in my lifetime I will see the time when this month is no longer necessary
because we will move to a place in our churches where a Pastor is not chosen based on gender. I think that this month of preaching is a good way to show the children and teenagers in our churches that they can do whatever they want to in life whether they are a boy or a girl.

        It was crazy to realize how much the pastor actually notices as they preach. I could see the people who whispered to their neighbors. I could see when someone reached into their purse to grab a mint. I could see the person nodding off to sleep about midway back in the middle section. I could see the mom trying to contain their restless toddler. And all of that was beautiful. It was beautiful to see our church packed with a little over 300 people. It was beautiful to see people coming together from all walks of life for the same purpose, to worship the creator of the universe and the healer of our brokenness, and the lover of our souls. It was beautiful to see people come forth and pray at the alter; young and old alike came to the alter to offer a gift to God.

        As I stood behind the pulpit, I looked into the audience and into the eyes of so many people who have been influential in my spiritual walk. I saw Sunday School teachers, family, friends, and fellow ministers who I have looked up to and respected over the years. I saw people who without their dedication to loving and encouraging me, I wouldn't be where I am today. I saw people who had to show me tough love in order for me to grow-up and leave behind childish ways. I saw friends, no brothers and sisters, from Carson-Newman who have loved me so much over this past year. As I looked into the audience I was reminded of the many memories from my growing up days in Randolph Memorial Baptist Church.

        As I glanced to the 4th row on the left hand side of our Sanctuary, I was reminded of the many Sundays of sitting in church with my grandma who had to consistently quiet my brother, my cousins, and myself as we would talk to one another during the worship services. As I led the children's sermon, it brought back memories of my grandmother constantly reminding me to 'sit like a lady' which was the last thing on my mind as I was too busy trying to say the correct answers to my pastors questions. As I glanced to the back of the Sancutary, I chuckled to myself as I remembered the many games of hide and seek and sardines that were played in that sanctuary over the years. I remember coming to revival when Grant Carter was pastor as a child and always listening closely to the sermons even as a small child. I remembered the day that my friends and I decided to get baptized and how we went forward all on the same day to make our decision public and then a few months later entered the waters as our pastor at the time, Mark Beck, baptized us. So many laughs, smiles, and tears were shared in that sanctuary and I am thankful that another memory was made as I was asked to preach my first sermon from the pulpit in which I heard my first sermon 20 years ago.

        To everyone who saw leadership and pastoral characteristics in me before I did, thank you for sharing that with me. For those who have been there with me and fumbled through this idea of calling with me, thank you. To Susie Poindexter and Derik Hamby who helped me through the freak out stage of College decisions, thank you. To those of you who kept me in the nursery as a child to those who I am able to share life with now, thank you. For those who have laughed with me, and held me as I cried, thank you!

        The road to becoming a pastor is going to be a long one, and I am excited that I have so many people who have been willing to take a chance on me and to look past flaws to see the ministry capabilities in me. Please continue to pray for me and with me as I make deicisions in the next couple of years as far as what grad school to attend and what ministry opportunites to take part in. Continue to pray that churches will open up their doors to me so that I can have the ability to use the gifts that God has given me and to gain more experience.

        Thank you Derik for taking a chance on me! Also, in case any of you are interested, I will be preaching on March 11, 2012 at Grace Hills Baptist Church in Appomattox, VA. If you're in the area, I would love for you to come and worship with us, but if you are not in the area, your prayers will be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much to each of my readers for your constant love and encouragement.

Blessings,
Jaime

My Psalm to God

Tonight we had a speaker come in and talk to us about the lies that we believe and the wounds that can in turn heal us. The speaker was Kary Oberbrunner who is the author of several books, one being "Your Secret Name" which I am currently reading-- and I really encourage you all to read it or atleast check our Oberbrunner and his story. Oberbrunner was once a self-injurer and he told us a little of his story of how God healed him from that. One cool thing that he said tonight that really hit home for me was this, "All sin is self-injury" It doesn't matter if we are a cutter or if we bad mouth our parents, that is all a form of self-injury. He went on to talk about the 'Imposter Sydrome' which I can find myself relating to at times. A lot of the times we walk into the doors of the church only to put on the mask of a perfect Christian and then we leave the building so ashamed that we fear taking off our masks because we fear the rejection that we may receive from people around us. I challenge you today, to be real with God. Tell God your struggles as well as your joys. Tell God what is bothering you and let God heal your deepest wounds. We were challenged tonight to write our own Psalm and I want to share mine with you. Here it is, raw and unedited-- therefore it is not perfect, but was what was on my heart tonight!

My Psalm to God

Mother God, holder of our broken souls, Thank You

Father God, applicator of needed discipline, Thank You

Compassionate Friend, Confidant of our deepest secrets, Thank You

Healing Lord, The One who bandages our scraped knees, Thank You

Beautiful Creator, Molder of our clay selves, Thank You

Sacrificial Lamb, Giver of Your only Son, Thank You

When we see the barren Woman, let us hold her

When we throw selfish tantrums, remain firm

When we see a friend in need, let us be their crying shoulder

When we go to the bedside of the sick, burden our hearts

When we busily glance at the fading sunset, grasp our attention

Teach us to love justice and mercy

Teach us to speak up for those without a voice

Giver of love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, and beauty

For Your fruits of the Spirit, we give thanks

Break the chains of bitterness, shame, fear, guilt, self-hatred, and lonliness.

Thank You



From Brokenness to Blessings (my first sermon)

Hey ya'll in case you didn't get a chance to come to church yesterday morning, here is a copy of my sermon manuscript! =) Hope you take a chance to read it-- or if you don't have the time to read the sermon, I will post the link a little later so that you can listen to the audio version as well!


Will you pray with me, “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in you sight O Lord My God, my rock and my redeemer. Amen”


          Have you ever been at a place in your life where you felt absolutely defeated? I’ve been there once. Since most of you know me, you know that I grew up around softball my entire life. Whether it was going to watch my aunt Jennifer or my cousin Lindsay play or playing myself from kindergarten through most of my high school years, I was always at the ball field. Freshman year of high school came and I had gone to just about every softball conditioning there was. I felt as though my tryouts were going well and that I had a pretty good chance of making the team. The last day of tryouts came and went and later that evening I found out that I hadn’t made the team after all. Tears streamed down my face and I felt the most lost and confused I had ever felt before. My dreams were crushed. I cried more then, than I think I ever had up until that point. I knew that the next day I had to go to school and see my friends and the excitement on their faces when they saw on the outside of the glass doors of the gym their names where they had been the chosen ones. I didn’t even want my face to be shown at school the following day, as I feared that quite possibly a small tear might trickle down my face or worse, that one tear could turn into a multitude of tears that could make me feel humiliated in front of my peers. Luckily, though, that didn’t happen. God turned what I thought was complete brokenness into something beautiful. He allowed some of my close friends to take me out back at church on that following Wednesday night and kick a soccer ball at me to see if I could catch it, which I naturally could. The next day I was standing in the middle of the soccer field as the newest member and starting goalie for the JV soccer team at the high school. I was incredibly confused because this was the first time I had ever even thought that soccer would be a sport that I would be a part of. Little did I know that through people giving me a chance as a soccer player that it would turn into something better than I could have ever thought possible. I was then able to play a couple of seasons of travel soccer where I met some amazing friends and had the opportunity to play a year of Varsity soccer as well.

          This is just one example from my life showing how God turned brokenness into blessings. Let’s read the text and see how this same pattern is found in the the Old Testament.

          If you have your Bibles turn with me to Genesis chapter 29: 15-30. “After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, 15 Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.” 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak[a] eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lay with her.” 22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant Zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. 25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” 26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.” 28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. 30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.”

          In order for us to place this story in the proper context and to allow each of us to understand the importance of this story, we are going to look at some of the background information that will make the puzzle pieces fit together. Today we are going to focus on the story of Leah and Rachel and their relationship with Jacob. Jacob’s father Isaac has become really sick and can’t see very well. While Esau, Jacob’s older twin brother was out in the field, Jacob, with the help of his mother, got the blessing which was meant for the oldest son from his father Isaac. After death threats from his brother, Jacob left town and headed to his uncle’s house. When he got near his uncles home he met a beautiful young woman named Rachel at the well. Several times throughout the Old Testament a well seems to be the meeting place for men and women. Jacob falls in love with Rachel and then Jacob is taken to meet Rachel’s father. This story of Leah and Rachel continues in an unusual way. We already see this pain and tension in Leah’s life, the eldest daughter of Laban is unwanted. Not only is she unwanted by her father who just wants her married off, but she is also unwanted and unloved by her husband who is madly in love with her younger sister. Take a moment and put yourself in Leah’s shoes. Imagine being given in marriage to a man or woman who doesn’t love you. Imagine how that would make you feel. There are plenty of other contemporary versions of who the Leah’s of today might be, Imagine being married to a man or woman who is cheating on you but you are so in love with them that you hurt yourself looking past their faults because you think that one day the cheating may end. Imagine being the elderly man who is left in a nursing home with no one to love him and care for him who wants more than anything to see his children and grandchildren and to hear about their lives. Imagine being the woman who is left to raise her three sons all on her own and who has to work several jobs in order to make ends meet. Imagine being called into your boss’s office only to be told that you have lost your job and you must go home and share this news of being unwanted by your company to your wife and children. Imagine being that teenage girl who finds her worth in having sexual relationships with guys because that is where she feels the most loved and who becomes pregnant while in high school and so as a result has to deal with the ridicule, stares, and whispers from friends who she thought she could trust. Imagine that you are the 14 year old boy who is experimenting with drugs and alcohol in order to mask the pain from being bullied at school. We can all put ourselves in some of these shoes. Maybe we have been there, maybe we are in that dark place now, and we don’t know how to get out of it. I’m here this morning to tell you that there is freedom for the captive. God doesn’t want us to sit here in the shackles that keep us from understanding and accepting the grace that God has to offer.

          The tense relationship of Leah and Rachel continues in a way that we may not expect. Neither Leah nor Rachel were able to have any children in the beginning. They were both barren. God did a beautiful thing in Leah’s life though. Genesis chapter 29: 31 says, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.” In Genesis chapter 30, Leah’s story continues where we see in the names of her children the pain that she is feeling in her life. When Leah had her first son, she was so filled with joy that she named him Reuben because The Lord had seen her misery and she felt that surely her husband would love her now. She had another son, this time naming him Simeon and she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” A third time Leah became pregnant, she had yet another son who she named Levi and said; “Now at last my husband will become attached to me because I have given him three sons.” Leah became pregnant a fourth time and said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. After a while, Leah became pregnant with Jacob’s fifth son who she named Isacchar because she felt God had rewarded her for being faithful. When Leah gave Jacob a sixth son, she said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor because I have given him six sons.” Because of this, she named him Zebulun. Sometime later, Leah gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah. The names of Leah’s children are indications of the pain that she was feeling as a result of being unloved. It goes on to say that Rachel was jealous of her sister and she went as far as to say to Jacob, “Give me children or I will die.” Rachel then offered Jacob her maid servant as a substitute and she became pregnant and gave her a son. Rachel was still not able to produce children which caused her to feel as though she was defeated. Earlier we placed ourselves in the shoes of Leah, and now I think that it is time that we do the same with our character Rachel. Rachel was beautiful, and loved by everyone around her. She was loved by her father, and her husband Jacob was madly in love with her. Rachel, however, found her lack of self-worth in her inability to birth children. In the Old Testament, having children, especially sons, was a sign of blessings from God. The lack of children was thought of as being a curse from God, and that some sin had been committed in order for her to become barren. On the other hand, having sons was a sign that a woman was blessed for being faithful to God. So you can see here how Rachel would feel discouraged at the fact that her sister, Leah, was producing sons, while Rachel up until this point was unable to produce any children. I’m sure each of us has someone in our lives who has not been able to have children and we have seen the pain and shame that they place on themselves. We see these women and they hurt. They hurt not only as they see newborn babies, but each year on Mother’s Day they are reminded of this pain as well. When they see a mother and her children, I’m sure that a part of them questions why God has blessed the other woman and seems to have forgotten them in their time of pain and heartache. This pain of not being able to have children goes deeper than many of us can imagine. How does this relate to our lives today? What about the teenage girl who is contemplating suicide because she doesn’t feel accepted within her group of peers even though she is beautiful, talented, and smart? What about the mom who tries everything she can to raise her children in the ways of The Lord but they still turn out to be rebellious and make harmful decisions? What about the preacher and his wife who try to become pregnant and can’t have children? And what about the Army soldier who has his wife cheat on him when he is doing everything that he can to protect our country? Not only can most of us relate to Leah, most of us can relate to Rachel as well. Finally God opened Rachel’s womb and allowed her to give birth to a son. She said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” Rachel placed so much of her worth on having sons that she forgot that her worth comes from The Lord. Where do we place our self-worth? Do we allow God to fill the voids when the world tells us that we are not good enough? Do we allow God to heal the brokenness of our lives, or do we wallow in the pain only to feel defeated once again?

          If you haven’t been able to relate to anyone thus far, maybe you can relate to Jacob. How many of us have ever been deceived? How many of us have thought we were getting something that we in reality didn’t end up getting? This past semester, I was on EBay looking up a pair of shoes. The shoes that I was looking at are called TOMS. Basically if you don’t know the organization, TOMS is a company where you buy a pair of shoes and then they send a pair of shoes to a needy child in another country who doesn’t have any shoes. I thought that I was being smart, however, and found this ‘too good to be true deal’ on EBay. The deal was that you could get any pair of solid color TOMS shoes for $9.99. I bought into this scam, where I purchased 2 pair of shoes and I was so excited. I shared this bargain with my friends and luckily they didn’t buy into this trick. A couple of days later, I got an email from the company saying that the shoes that I had ordered were not up to par but that they would be giving me a refund. Luckily, I got my money back, but that is just one example of things being too good to be true. As we look at Jacob’s story, think of the disappointment he must have felt being deceived by his own father in law. Jacob worked really hard to get the woman of his dreams only to wake up from his wedding night to see that he had been given Leah instead of Rachel. I’m sure that he was not only disappointed but I bet that he was mad as well. How many of you have ever felt like you were in Jacob’s shoes? One of the worst feelings is the feeling of being lied to or deceived. This could be anything. It could be a job where the job description does not actually fit what the job entailed. It could be a relationship where the person that you are dating or even married to is not who you thought that they were when you met them. It could be a friend who is using you instead of being the friend that he should be. It could even be an elderly person who thinks her finances are being taken care of by her children but in reality her finances are not being taken care of like they should be. Maybe today you are the family who has been tricked and hurt by a church who you thought that you could trust but in reality you got hurt in the process of serving God.

          Or maybe you’re Laban. Maybe you are the one who is causing the pain for other people. Maybe you are the one who isn’t showing his children the love that they deserve. Maybe you are the one deceiving people and lying to people. Maybe you are the boss at work who isn’t giving equal wages because of gender. Maybe you are the friend who gossips behind the others back as a way to cause pain for that person. Maybe you are the teenager who doesn’t respect her parents even though they love you unconditionally, or maybe you are the church member who discriminates against people who are different than yourself.

          No matter where we are in life, God wants more than anything to give us freedom. God wants us to accept the grace that is being offered to us. The Creator of the Universe wants us to feel the love that is being given to us.

          We have seen the Biblical examples as well as modern day examples of how God can move us from a place of complete brokenness into a place of beauty and blessings. This next story is one that shows the awesome healing power that can be found in the arms of Christ.

          May 28, 2008 was a normal day in the life of the Chapman family, until that evening when their 17 year old son Will Franklin was pulling out of the driveway and accidently struck and killed his 5 year old sister Maria Sue the youngest of the Chapman’s daughters. The family went through a very dark period of time where they didn’t know how they would make it to the next day. In a recent interview, Steven Curtis Chapman commented on how God began to heal their family in 2011 by saying, “We feel like morning is really starting to break for us and we’re beginning to sense there is new life starting to sprout. The real morning is still yet to come when we finally get to see Maria again in heaven, but as a family and individually we’re beginning to feel like there’s oxygen coming back into our lungs. My wife talks about it in terms of being in a forest for the last several years; in a very dense, dark forest. It’s only been recently that we started to feel like God is standing on the edge of that forest saying, ‘I want to bring you out of the forest, and your daughter is ahead of you. She's a greater part of your future than she is of your past. And I'm leading you out, I'm leading you into this new place.’ It’s a new beginning for us and I really felt like I wanted to say that.” A recent song by Chapman written soon after his daughter’s death will I think bring some peace into our lives today, “Buried deep beneath all our broken dreams, we have this hope. Out of these ashes, beauty will rise, and we will dance among the ruins we will see it with our own eyes. Out of these ashes beauty will rise, for we know Joy is coming in the morning. In the morning, beauty will rise.” Since the death of his daughter, Steven has written several songs about how God can take our brokenness and turn it into something more beautiful than we can ever imagine.

          The Chapman Family found hope in the same way that our Biblical characters found their hope In the songs of our lives our stories don’t have to end in the middle of the chorus. God has a second verse with new beginnings and unending joys just a few measures away.

          The story of Leah doesn’t end where I left off. Even though Leah felt unloved by her father, husband, and sister, God found her in her brokenness and held her in the loving arms like a mother holding her newborn child. God blessed her and if you trace back the lineage of Christ, it can be traced to Leah’s son Judah. How awesome is that? That the son of God can be traced back to a woman who was so unloved and unfavorable among her people yet God looked at her and made her feel worthy and beautiful. God does the same thing with us. God looks past our brokenness and our hard times and holds us up when we feel as though we can’t stand on our own two feet.

          I have a challenge for each one of us here today. Be sensitive to what God is showing you. You may be the person who is called to love on someone who feels broken and that they can’t keep going on. You may be the one that God is calling to send a note of encouragement to someone this week or perhaps God is calling you to pay a visit to one of our shut-ins who cannot get out. Listen for the voice of our awesome God. Love on those who are unloved. Sacrifice so that others may feel the love of Christ. Mother Teresa once said, “True love causes pain. Jesus, in order to give us the proof of his love, died on the cross. A mother in order to give birth to her baby; has to suffer. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.”

          I don’t know where you are today or if you can relate to this Bible story at all, but I’m confident that some of you are at a place where you feel broken and you want the peace that Christ has to offer to each one of us today. Right now, were going to do something a little different than many of you are used to. We are going to spend some time at the altar before the Lord Almighty. Many of us are struggling so much that we don’t know how we are going to make it to tomorrow. Right now, we are going to stand and sing our hymn of invitation. If you have a decision that you need to make, Derik will be here at the front to greet you. Some of you may feel God calling you to accept Jesus for the first time, others may feel called to transfer their membership from another congregation, and others of you may just need to come to the altar to pray for God to heal some area of brokenness in your life. The altar is open, please come. Let God heal your deepest wounds. Step out of your comfort zones and let the Ultimate Healer and Compassionate Friend show you what true freedom is in your life. Let God break the chains of insecurity, brokenness, fear, pain, suffering, sickness, loneliness or whatever other emotion you may be feeling this morning. God wants more than anything for us to walk in the Beauty that has been laid before us. Let us pray.

          Patient and loving God, Compassionate Friend, Lover of our souls, bring freedom to this congregation this morning. Bring peace to the brokenhearted and comfort for the hurting. Allow us to find healing in your tender hands. Show us what you would have us to do. We love you God. Amen.

I Have a Dream

Grateful.. that is the word that comes to mind when I think of how blessed I am to be affirmed in my calling to ministry! Over the past 3 years, I have been wrestling with this idea of being 'called to ministry'  I didn't know what that meant (and still am not quite sure) but I do know one thing-- or atleast I think I know. I do not feel called to childrens ministry or womens ministry. To some of you, you may say Why not? or You would be great at that. But to me, it reminds me of so many women who feel as though those are her only 2 options when it comes to leadership roles in a church.

I'm called to be a pastor. I don't know exactly what that means for my life, or where that will lead me in the future. I don't know what associations I will one day be kicked out of, or the friends I may lose over the years because of my profession. I don't know how many snickers will be spoken behind my back or the sexist remarks I may receive because I am a woman who is called into ministy and who is called to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ from behind a pulpit. But in all honesty-- I don't care. I will fight the hard fight and I, through the power of Christ will win not only the battle, but also the war.

My prayer is that one day when I have a daughter of my own that she will be able to grow up in a world where being a pastor and being a female do not have to be oxymorons to one another. My prayer is that my daughter will be able to follow the call of God and be hired as a pastor of a church in the same way that her male colleague will be hired.

Over the past couple of years, I have been blessed by hearing some of the most beautiful women preachers I know preach. Each of those women are huge inpirations to me and have given me more encouragement to fight the fight to be a preacher. These are the beautiful women who have inspired me on my journey of ministry thus far:

Marilee Betz is a beautiful woman of God who is currently a student at McAfee. I have heard her preach on two different occasions and both times  I was amazed at how the Lord blessed her and the gift of preaching that she has been given.

Christine Jones is another beautiful woman who I look up to as a fellow woman pastor. She has encouraged me on more occasions than I can even explain. She is not only an amazing professor, talented preacher, and an incredible academic advisor and mentor, she is also a beautiful mom. I would rank her preaching to that of Colleen Burroughs and Julie Pennington Russell. She is such an amazing person and I am so thankful that I have gotten to know her during my time at Carson-Newman.

Julie Pennington Russell. WOW! This woman has an incredible gift from The Lord. I don't understand how much beauty God has blessed her with! It's incredible to see the power of the holy spirit when this woman brings The Word. Each time I have heard her preach I have left being more blessed than I could even explain. As I develop my preaching skills, I pray that my skills will be half as great as hers. Julie is the pastor of FBC Decatur, GA.

Colleen Burroughs. This woman has an incredible spirit to serve God. It was incredible to hear Colleen preach at a chapel service this fall and to get to spend some time with her after hearing her preach. Colleen and her husband David founded Passport Camps. If you have never met this beautiful woman of God, you are truly missing out. She definitely has a gift from God.

Molly Brummett. I have only met Molly twice but as I heard her preach a couple of months ago, her style reminded me of a combination of Julie Pennington Russell and Colleen Burroughs. It is beautiful to see Molly and how The Lord has blessed her. Molly comes from an amazing family who supports her and her calling unconditionally and it is beautiful and a true blessing to hear her preach.

Another beautiful woman pastor that I have grown to love and adore is Rhonda Blevins. I have only met her once but during our time together I was incredbily intrigued by her beautiful personality. I hope that over the next several years that I will have the opportunity to get to know her better.

Lastly, a sweet sweet woman in my life who inspires me daily with her beautiful spirit is Mrs. Nenette Measells. She is such a sweet heart and constantly has a smile on her face! I have really enjoyed getting to know her and hearing her preach.

This past week, my pastor from my home church, Derik Hamby, sent me a picture that his first grade daughter had made at school. They were writing on the idea of Martin Luther King's I have a dream and this is what she said, "I have a dream that I will be a preacher and I will preach about God. and I will preach about Jesus. I will work at a church. I will preach on a stage. I hope my dream will come true." When I read this, I cried. Actually I wept. I wept because I believe this is a true calling from God. It's beautiful to see the sheer faith of a child. If only I could have that faith. If only I could make decisions on faith rather than fear. I thought this was a beautiful reminder that God calls us all to God's side with our child like faith.

I'm preaching at my home church in two weeks and I pray that Rachel is sitting in the audience and that she can see a woman preaching. My prayer is that she will always know and understand that her dreams will come true and that a calling can come at the beautiful age of 7. I'm excited to see what God is going to do in that little girls life!

Hope you all have a great week! If you read my blog, I'd love it if you would follow me! =)

Blessings,
Jaime