Thursday, December 29, 2011

Let Justice and Praise become my embrace

Wow! What a beautiful day today! The Lord taught me some incredible things this evening and I thought it would be only fair if I shared them with you all, my readers! =) I was cleaning up my room at home this evening and organizing some things trying to figure out what I needed to take back to school and I came across a few very important things. Here they are:

1. I came across my mission trip journal that a very dear person in my life, Susie Poindexter, from when I went to Manchester KY for the first time. It was incredibly beautiful to see how on fire I was for the Lord and just how I was soo incredibly on fire to share the love of Christ with other people. It was really neat to read those journal entries. I also along with that found my other mission trip journals as well from where I went to Port Sulphur, LA and to Dillingham, AK. It's so cool to look and see how much of a high you have when I am on mission trips

This got me to thinking though. Why aren't we like that all the time? Why do we only have to have our spiritual highs while we are on trips. As we go to the grocery store or take our kids to school or play sports, or even study for a test, we are doing it for the glory of God

Daddy, help me to not get so caught up in myself that I fail to serve you and make you visible to everyone around me. Help me to serve you in all that I do! Help me to love you with an unconditional love. Help me to praise you with the words that come out of my mouth and the actions that I take part in. Father, consume me from the inside out. I want to know you so much more than I already do. Show me Your ways!

2.The second thing that I came across this evening was a group of notecards that my dear friend Marilee Betz made for me. One of the Bible verses that really stood out to me tonight was this one:

 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

How beautiful is this, all we have to do is look to God and God will show us the direction to go! All we have to do is to follow in the footsteps of God and the directions for our life will be so much simpler.

Now that is a lot easier said than done. It is hard for me to sit down and listen to God. I get distracted so easily. I lose patience becasue I look for instantaneous answers. I drown out the silence with music or talking or arguing or contemplating and forget to listen for the still small voice of God speaking to us!

Patient Lord, helo me to not become so involved with what is going wrong in my life, that I don't take the time to listen to You. This next semester is  coming soon. Help me to bask in the silence of who You are and listen for the still small voice. Help me to understand and to realize who You are. Open my blind eyes, unlock my deaf ears! I am Yours God. I give you control. Show me what You want! Hold me in Your loving embrace.

3. The third and last important thing that I found tonight was my Mother Teresa quote book. If any of you know me well, then you know that I LOVE Mother Teresa. She is my biggest hero and I love to look at her words of wisdom. It is beautiful to see her heart and the person that she was by the words that she said throughout her lifetime. One quote in particular that stood out to me tonight was this:

"St. Joseph knew, when Mary became pregnant, that this child was not his child. He saw that she was pregnant but didn't know how. If he had gone to the high priest, she would have been stoned to death. Do you see the charity and thoughtfullness of St. Joseph? If we have that same kind of charity and thoughtfullness toward each other, our families will become the abode of the Most High. How beautiful our families will become where there is total thoughtfulness for others. "

I thought this quote was beautiful. I think that it is easy for us to blame other people and to look down on other people but if we took the time instead to love them, there would be a lot less lonliness and so much more love. Another quote by Mother Teresa that fits along with this idea is this: "I have found the paradox in life: If we love until it hurts, there will be no more hurt only more love." This is so true. If we loved people that same amount that we hurt them, there would be so much more love in the world.

Precious King, Thank you for thr gift of friendship and family. Help us to not take them for granted. Help us to love more than we hate. Help us to be gratdeful more than we complain. Help us to give forgiveness more than condemnation. Help us to love with Your love. Thank You for the gift of life!

Beautiful friends, I hope that you have a blessed day today! Thanks for reading my blog by the way. =)

Blessings,
Jaime

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

You Walk Before Me: Broken Cisterns

          Recently I've been struggling with God. For some reason I tend to be incredibly hardheaded. I like to do things my way and in my timing. I like, no I love to have control over every situation. I love to be the leader of things because in that I have control to do what I please.

          At the same time, I am ever so much giving God control. These past few months, I have been completely broken where I felt like the pieces couldn't be put back together and that every part of me that I once knew and the things that I found important were no longer there. Its been a hard realization that when we just fall on our faces before The Lord that The Lord will renew our strength and teach us new things.

          This summer, I was able to take part in a Bible study with 4 beautiful women of God, Caroline, Beth, Abby, and Lindsay. We did a Beth Moore study on the book of Psalms. Through that study, one of the themes that Beth said was important to God was to get prostrate and lay on our faces before The Lord each and every day. I didn't realize how important that was until recently. I didn't realize how important it was to get on my face in a humble way before the creator of the universe.

          I didn't see how much of a problem this was until I was getting frustrated with God but I wasn't putting any effort into our relationship. I wasn't getting on my face before The Lord, I wasn't even saying good morning or good night to the creator. I wasn't even thanking God for bringing up the sun in the morning and setting it at night.

          I then began to read in Jeremiah and I came across this verse that really spoke wonders to me.

"My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jeremiah 2:13


          How true is this verse? Why do we do this to ourselves. Why do we allow ourselves to become so broken that we feel as though we cannot be put back together because we are selfish and we don't look towards God to mend our broken hearts or to heal our deepest wounds or to take away our sicknesses. God wants to give us the living water and we choose the trash. We choose the hard dirt roads when sometimes God wants to give us the paved roads. We choose to drink out of the broken glass out of the mirky stream when God is like "hey girl, or hey boy, heres this brand new sink here with fresh water. Heres a crystal glass for you to drink out of.


          I'm so guilty of this. I take the hard road because I want the control. I take the hard road becasue I am selfish. I take the hard road because I have been blinded to the fact that I deserve better.


          For the majority of my life, I have been spoken lies into my life that Satan loves to enlarge to make them feel like they are crippling me. It's insane how well Satan knows each of us, and unlike God wants to destroy each of us. I have been told lies that I am not good enough, pretty enough, and smart enough. I have been told lies that people don't like me, that I don't deserve peoples friendship, that people don't like me or love me because of something I've done. I've been told the lies of Satan that I will never be married because I'm not good enough. I've been told lies that I don't deserve a loving family, and I've been told the lies that I can't have nice stuff because I'm called to ministry.


           Now back to that cistern. How many times throughout the day do we forsake God. We do this when we go through the grocery store line on our cellphones not even taking the time to thank our clerk when in fact we could have been placed there to be the light of Christ. We can forsake God when we don't take the time to love our family like we should-- as a father who spends all his free time at work, or a mom who yells at her kids more than hugging them. We forsake God when we gossip behind our friends backs. The word for forsake comes from the hebrew text that literally means, "to depart from, or to leave behind." When I hear this, it hurts my heart so very much. We make the choice to turn our backs to God. We make the choice to leave God behind. We make the choice to literally take a different path on the road from God which in the end just leaves us broken and hurt. It leaves us as these broken cisterns. It leaves us with missing pieces and questions without answers.

          My goal for thes rest of my life (because I don't like New Years Resolutions) is to not allow myself to stray from the path of God. This semester I have strayed the farthest I ever have from the path of God yet God's faithfullness never ceased. Although I was frustrated becasue I selfishly couldn't feel God when I didn't put any effort in, God still help me in His loving arms and let me sit there and cry out. God brought people in my life to talk to Him on my behalf when I couldn't get the words out to pray. God put friends in my life to ask me the tough questions and to hold me accountable to who I am as a daughter of the King. God opened doors for me and placed my needs on the hearts of others before I ever saw them or understood them myself.

          Tonight, I stand in awe of My Father in Heaven. Tonight I stand in awe of Mother God who is a beautiful nurturer and who loves me unconditionally. Tonight I stand in awe of my Daddy who gives me a gentle nudge with His heavenly power when I begin to turn in the wrong direction into dangerous territory. Tonight, I stand in Awe of my Best Friend who I can laugh with and cry with and make memories with. Tonight I stand in awe of the Creator of the Universe who has everything under control even though most of the time their creation is going crazy frantically flopping around like a fish out of water!

Father, Mother, Friend, Counselor, Lover, Husband, Daddy, Creator God. I love you! Thank you for putting back together our broken cisterns and allowing us to come back to that stream of Living Water. Thank You for allowing us to hunger for Your grace and peace and mercy. Thank You for caring so much about our well being that you just stand there and hurt with us and cry with us when we travel down the dark paths of life because of our selfishness. Thank You though most importantly for opening up your arms to us when we finally realize it is time to come home like the prodigal son! I love you Daddy!

Blessings,
Jaime



Monday, December 26, 2011

The Familiarity of Christmas

This year it hit me, it knocked me down like a ton of bricks. Jesus was a human. I know that sounds so silly and you are probably rolling your eyes saying "duh" as you read this. I think this year it hit me as I thought about Joseph and the sacrifice he made in order to take up for Mary and because he was faithful and full of faith as the angel came to him and told him what was going on.

How difficult must it have been for Joseph, knowing that he has never touched Mary in a sexual way and that there is no way possible that this child is his, yet he led people to believe that it was his child. He did everything that he had to do to make this as easy as possible on Mary. He stood by her in the middle of the night when she was sick to her stomach, and in the mornings when she had morning sickness. He tried to help her out when she had outrageous cravings and dealt with her hormonal changes and those times that she was probably not so nice to him. He stood by her as she delivered this child and he held this child, loved this child, and raised this child as if He were his own. As Mary walked through the streets in her last months of pregnancy, together they endured the snickering, namecalling, and gossipping that comes along with teenage and unwed pregnancies.

Think of Mary. A young girl with her whole life ahead of her who was unmarried, and a teenager and pregnant. I think of myself and how hard that would be for me at even 19 years of age. I can't imagine having a child younger than that-- especially not in their time period when she could have gotten killed for being pregnant.

I think of the pain that she must have endured because people are mean. Their snickering is mean. Words cut deeper and are more painful than physical wounds themselves.

I then think to the two of them holding Jesus for the first time. Looking into his beautiful eyes, I wonder if they knew that that tiny infant who cried through the night and who smiled at them for the first time, that he was going to change the world. That those tiny hands and feet would one day not to far off be nailed to a cross so that His death could save the lives of so many people including themselves. I wonder if they had a clue that the young child running and playing in the yard would one day be performing miracles and literally bringing people back from the dead.

As all of your know, I'm not a parent, but I absolutely LOVE children (even my demon kids at the daycare-- for those of you who know about my past semester working at a daycare at school) I love children a lot. As I look into the faces of the children that I know, I can't help but think of what they are going to do when they grow up. I like to guess if they are going to grow up to be athletes, if they are going to go to college. Whos going to be a doctor or nurse or teacher and so on and so forth. I dream big for the people around me and I tend to have big dreams for the people that I love. I see things in people that they dont see in themselves. I love to point out gifts in people when they don't know that they have the gifts. I love to speak truth into peoples lives who have been blinded by lies.

So with all of that being said, I wish that I would have known Mary and Joseph. I think that it would have been really cool to look back and see how they raised Jesus. I wish the Bible told more stories about Jesus as a kid and the mischeif that he got into. I think it would have been beautiful to see Jesus baking cookies with his mom or sawing wood with His dad in the carpentry shop. I think it would have been neat to see him playing in the woods with His friends.

I'm thankful for Mary and Joseph and how amazing they were as parents to raise up a man that was not only 100% human but was also 100% God. That was such a huge responsibility that was placed on their plates when they werent expecting it.

God I thank you for seeing something in Mary and Joseph that them and maybe even the people around them couldn't see. I thank you for placing the life of your son in the womb of a teenage girl. I thank you for the faithfullness of Mary and Joseph to serve you and to follow through with giving birth to and raising Jesus even through the hard times when they didn't think they could keep going! Daddy, help us to not take for granted the sacrifices of those around us. I love you Daddy! =)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hunger Games/ America

So, this week I have read the first book in the Hunger Games series and I absoloutely fell in love! I fell in love at the fact that it was a well written as well as interesting story! As I was reading it though, I couldn't help but to think of our lives as American's.

Basically what the first book in the series is about it this post apocalyptic world where they have 12 different districts. Once a year they have this major event called the Hunger Games and the point of the games is to be the last one living. From each district their are 2 names drawn, one male and one female between the ages of 12 and 18. These people basically fight to their death and whoever the winner of the games is gets to have food for their district for the year and they get some other prizes as well.

It was definitely interesting in how it was necessary to watch your back at all times because the people, even those who you became allies with were ready for your moment of weakness so that they coudl stab you in the back in order to keep moving forward in the games.

How often do we do that here in America? Especially in the job market We try to make ourselves look the best while making the identities of our competition look terrible no matter the cost. We tell lies about them to try and make them look bad.

The same goes in our high schools as we fight the battle of popularity and fitting in. There is so much bad mouthing that goes on between teenage girls especially. Theres the name calling, hoe, slut, skank, trash. We let these words flow freely from our minds, not realizing the effect they have on the ones who absorb these words into their deepest crevices.

Father God, help me to not live in a constant sense that I have to be the best or the most liked. Help me to not feel like I have to have peoples attention constantly. Help me to guard my tongue and to stop being so consumed with myself that I forget to love others. Daddy, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Show me Your direction for my life so that I can stop feeling like I'm running through the wilderness with no way out. I feel like I am running on the hamster wheel of life and I'm getting tired and worn out. I want to stop the running. I want to see new things, and have new experiences. I don't want to have to fight others so that I can come in first place. Because of my desire and fight to always be the best, I am letting people not feel like they can reach their full potential and for me, that is not healthy and it's not healthy for the others as well. Help me to give up this control that I have been holding on to for so long and place it quitely in your arms so that you can have the control that I so desperatley need to give up! -Amen

Blessings,
Jaime =)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Beautiful Blessings

I just thought since I never post pictures on here, I would post some so that you all could see who I spend my time with and the people who have blessed and touched my life in unexplainable ways! The people in these pictures are people that I have made so many memories with and who have helped to bring beauty from ashes through some very difficult times in my life. Each one of these people in these pictures has been a shoulder that I have been able to cry on during this incredibly stressful and hard semester! I could not have made it through without each of these beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ! These is one person who has been amazing through this semester and that would be my beautiful roommate Katie Broyles, I don't know what I would have done without her this semester! She definitely had to listen to me a lot and I am so thankful for the time I was ableto spend with her and getting to know her!

These are by far some of the most beautiful sisters in Christ that I have. Erin, on the far right has the ability to speak truth into my life when I can't believe the truth myself! She has spoken truth into my life on so many different occasions! I had some sweet moments with her this semester, one being a coffee date that we had midsemester which came at the most perfect time possible!

These two women are incredible! I wish that everyone could get a taste of the light of Christ that is shone through both of them! Lindsay, far left is one of my best friends in the entire world! She just beams light that is straight from The Lord! She is able to speak truth into my life when it is sometimes hard to hear. She allowed me to come to her house at my most broken moment this semester and she prayed for me what I couldn't pray myself because I was at a point where I wasn't speaking to God. She allowed me to lay in her floor for a very long time and to just cry out while she played with my hair and played music! That was such a beautiful experience!

Wow! This is a picture full of beauty (minus the one in the middle) just kidding! =) Susie Poindexter on the left, is my second mom, no doubt about it! She knows how and why my heart beats and she knows everything about my heart and she still loves me. Susie has helped me through the most broken of times in my life. She has helped me to stand when I didn't think that was possible and she has the ability to speak truth into my life even when it may be painful. She helps me to do the hard things in life! I love her so much more than words could ever explain! =)

Wow, these are by far my best friends in the entire world! These girls and myself have so much fun together! Caroline and Beth have been in my life since we were born and it's beautiful to see how our friendship has grown over the years! Caroline and I have been close our whole lives and it is really neat to see how we can be completely honest with one another even when what we have to say my be painful to hear. Beth has a beautiful heart that is always looking for ways to serve other people and it has been a complete joy to share life with her! I love them so much! =) Sarah on the far left is such a beautitul sister and I know that God has some incredible plans for her life! She has such an amazing voice that she uses to bring praises to The Father! I love these girls so much! I would for sure not be the person I am today without them!



these are my beautiful friends that I spent the majority of my time with this semester! I would most definitely call them my family! I love all three of them more than words could ever say!

This is our family when we went trick-or-treating! Dr. Brummett (the one without a blue wig) is by far one of my favorite people in the entire world! Dr. Brummett works so hard to make sure that everyone is taken care of. He is our vice president of student affairs, and was my academic advisor my freshmen year before he got promoted! This man has helped me so much in th short time I have known him. He has such a beautiful heart to serve people!

These are some of my beautiful sisters at CN. All of them have a very special place in my heart, and unfortunately all of them are graduating in May. (Yes, I will be crying my whole way home from school this year) Andrea, in the bottom middle has definitely been my rock. She knows me better than I know myself and she has an amazing spirit and a beautiful story. I can't wait to see how God uses her story to impact the lives of so many one day!

Cardboard City is by far myfavorite thing that we do at CN. Basically what it is, is a time of literally living in Card Board Boxed for 2 nights in order to bring awareness to homelessness in our area and as a way to raise money for Appalachian Outreach which is a service organization that is right down the street from our school!

I had the beautiful and amazing opportunity to go to Raleight NC during fall break this year. There we worked first hand with the homeless population and had the opportunity to spend time with them and to love on them as well as to volunteer at their Rescue Mission by preparing a meal and cleaning. We also were able to pick yams for needy families in the Raleigh area! It was such a beautiful experience!
I intern with a youth group at FBC Jefferson City. This is a picture from one of the girls nights that we had. Girls nights are always a blast. I love being able to intern at FBC. It is an amazing environment with beautiful people!

This here is Michelle or as I like to call her, Chelle Chelle. Michelle has the most beauitful heart of anyone I have ever met in my entire life! Michelle has an incredible story and she is going to change the world one day. Actually I take that back, she is changing the world right now! =) Love you Chelle!

This here is my EPC family. EPC is the Eagle Production Company. I have a leadership position in that organization. It is filled with some of the most service oriented people that I have ever made! I have made some of the neatest friendships through my service with EPC

My cousin got hitched on December 10th! yay! I love you Lindsay and Chester! Lindsay and Chester are precious together. Two very amazing people deserve to be together and that is what they are! They were definitely meant to be!

Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones has the most beautiful heart of anyone that I know! She would do anything for anyone! I love her more than words can say! She has a beautiful family and I can't wait to get to know them better through these next two and a half years at Carson-Newman!

Megan is a beautiful sister who is just filled with so much joy that it is contagious! I can not wait to see what beauty God is going to make from the ashes and hard times that she has faced! She is such a beautiful sister that God is using in incredible ways already!
My "Family"

Daddy, I thank you for these amazing and beautiful people that you have placed in my life! These people are the hands and feet of Christ. Daddy, I thank you for their beautiful spirits an d for their abilities to love me with an unconditional love and to help me through some difficult situations throughout this semester! Daddy, guide and protect each one of these prized possessions of yours and do not let them stray far from You, for it is in You and You alone that we find peace and rest! It is in You that we find grace and mercy and forgiveness! It is in You that we find pure Joy and beautiful friendships! =)

Blessings,
Jaime =)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Unexpected Blessings

Peace
Acceptance
Love
Grace
Beauty
Wonder
Amazing
Awesomeness
Creative
Protector
Father
Mother
Friend

          All of these words are words that I would use to describe our Lord. Over these past several weeks, God has done an amazing work in my life to show me that God is in fact alive and well in our lives and that The Lord of our lives wants the very best for us and loves us with a love that we can never even describe to others.

          Wow, I honestly don't even know how to describe these last few weeks and the beauty that God has brought into my life that felt like a desert for such a long time. Over the last few weeks, God has done some pretty incredible things and I just want to share them with you.

          My family can not afford to pay my way through college and as much as they love me and do for me, its just impossible with the other bills and responsibilities that they have, for them to be able to pay for me to go to college as well and that is completely understandable. So during Thanksgiving break, my heart was just really convicted by how much my parents and grandparents sacrifice for me to be where I am today and I began to feel guilty for attending a school that is 5 hours from home and rather expensive. So after some tought love conversations with my parents, I decided to look at some schools around here for the Spring semester to try to help my family out.

         Let me just tell you, those clicks of the mouse to Central Virginia Community College and a few other schools were some of the hardest clicks I have ever had to make. I couldn't stop crying thinking of the possibililty of having to leave my friends in just a couple of weeks to come home and live with my parents where I have no friends near since all of my close friends are in college some where else. I cried and cried and cried. I cried out to the Lord begging God to show me what was to be done for the upcoming semester. I cried out, without an answer, but longing to be filled with peace and reassurance.

          Can I just tell you that I have the most beautiful friends in the entire world. I had a beautiful friend who allowed me to come to her house and let me literally lay in her living room floor and bawl my eyes out while she played with my hair and she prayed the words that I didn't know how to pray because I was angry. I had friends who prayed for me and let me talk and gave me advice. I had the love of Christ shown to me through so many people over the past few weeks and it has been incredibly beautiful.

          I went back to school on the Monday after Thanksgiving and then that Thursday got an email saying that I had receieved more scholarship money for this upcoming semester that would cover everything but my room and board. I then got asked to live in a town house with some girls next semester and therefore signed the lease to that, but very apprehensively. Then about 20 minutes before I was leaving to come home for break, I got a phone call from a beautiful Christlike woman who asked me if I would be interested in living in their home next semester.

          This just goes to show that we never know what God is going to do in our lives. We never know how The Lord will bless our lives when we least expect it but we must remember that at all times, God is in the background working for the good of those who love God and live in according to God's purposes.

          I am incredibly blessed to have next semester at Carson-Newman. I don't know how God is going to use this next semester to bring glory to Godself, but I know that there is going to be something great that comes out of all of this. It is very obvious that God wants me at Carson-Newman next semester and it is no mistake or random act of kindness that allowed me to stay at CN.

          Father God, I bring you praise tonight as I sit in my warm and cozy bed. Thank you for your love and your grace. Thank you for loving me and caring for me even during the time that I was angry with your because I couldn't see your plan at work. I'm sorry that I let circumstances keep us from growing closer this semester. God, please show me what you would have me do this upcoming semester. Show me your plans and your purposes. God I pray that this time that I have to live with a beautiful family is a time that is blessed beyond what my finite mind can even imagine right now. I honestly can not imagine or fathom the blessings and the healing and the beauty that is going to come through next semester! Thank You Father for holding me in your loving embrace even when I twist and turn to be let loose of your embrace. Thank you for seeing the good in me when I don't see it in myself. Thank you for seeing my potential when I just see a muddled mess!

Hope you all have a blessed Christmas with Family and loved ones!

Blessings,
Jaime