I wrote this in a journal back at the beginning of October and I decided to share this with you all....
Wow.. so it's been a while since I have written a blog post. My lack of posting reflects the lack of time I have had in the past month. The Lord has really been working in my life to help me to figure out what my dreams and passions are and how they relate to those dreams and passions of The Lords. Back in July I was having a really rough time figuring out purpose. I didn't know why I was home for the summer, or what The Lords plans were and out of pure misery and hopelessness I begged The Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. That was the hardest prayer that I had ever prayed and looking back, it was the best prayer that I have ever prayed. It has been hard these past few monthes because God has truly broken my heart for what breaks His. He has taken a lot of stuff from me, taken some people who I thought were going to be my closest friends, placed me in a difficult work environment, forced me to give up leadership in an organization I felt called to be the president of, give up leadership in an organization that I planned all of the speakers for, drop a class, and at times feel incredibly overwhelmed and burdened. He has allowed my great grandmother to be in the hospital and even chosen to place the life of an infant in the uterus of my beautiful 18 year old cousin. God has allowed one of my orientation girls' best friends to get raped and then from that become pregnant. God has allowed me the opportunity to move rooms and dorms and in the process potentially have lost what could have been a beautiful life long friendship. He also allowed me to run through a stop sign and hit a firetruck causing my car to be totalled. Through all of this, The Lord has shown me the beauty of His arms being wrapped around not only me, but so many other people in the world. God has blessed me with beautiful friends who allow me to vent, complain, and on many occasions this year, they have just allowed me to sit there, lay my head on their shoulders, and cry. It has been beautiful to see how in the friendships that I have here, how much of a mutual, literal brother sister relationship with them where I have complete confidence that we will be there for each other through thick and thin this year when the going is tough and when there is no resistence at all!
Wow.. so it's been a while since I have written a blog post. My lack of posting reflects the lack of time I have had in the past month. The Lord has really been working in my life to help me to figure out what my dreams and passions are and how they relate to those dreams and passions of The Lords. Back in July I was having a really rough time figuring out purpose. I didn't know why I was home for the summer, or what The Lords plans were and out of pure misery and hopelessness I begged The Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. That was the hardest prayer that I had ever prayed and looking back, it was the best prayer that I have ever prayed. It has been hard these past few monthes because God has truly broken my heart for what breaks His. He has taken a lot of stuff from me, taken some people who I thought were going to be my closest friends, placed me in a difficult work environment, forced me to give up leadership in an organization I felt called to be the president of, give up leadership in an organization that I planned all of the speakers for, drop a class, and at times feel incredibly overwhelmed and burdened. He has allowed my great grandmother to be in the hospital and even chosen to place the life of an infant in the uterus of my beautiful 18 year old cousin. God has allowed one of my orientation girls' best friends to get raped and then from that become pregnant. God has allowed me the opportunity to move rooms and dorms and in the process potentially have lost what could have been a beautiful life long friendship. He also allowed me to run through a stop sign and hit a firetruck causing my car to be totalled. Through all of this, The Lord has shown me the beauty of His arms being wrapped around not only me, but so many other people in the world. God has blessed me with beautiful friends who allow me to vent, complain, and on many occasions this year, they have just allowed me to sit there, lay my head on their shoulders, and cry. It has been beautiful to see how in the friendships that I have here, how much of a mutual, literal brother sister relationship with them where I have complete confidence that we will be there for each other through thick and thin this year when the going is tough and when there is no resistence at all!
Today has been a really great day, The Lord has really blessed me by giving me back my smile tonight and I actually smiled for real tonight for the first time in a really long time! I think I'm starting to come back alive and that the numbness is wearing off a bit. I'm starting to be able to actually feel emotions which I think is a beautiful thing in moderation. I went this afternoon to the crisis pregnancy center here in Jefferson City to pick up a volunteer form. I LOVED IT! It was sooo beautiful and I really feel called to do some volunteer work there.
Tonight, we had BASIC, which is our Wednesday night worship service through the Baptist Collegiate Ministries. We had the complete blessing of hearing Mrs. Colleen Burroughs bring The Word tonight. She had a beautiful message on hearing the cry of the world and following The Lord and how our passions are the intersection of the Worlds cry and our passions. I then had the pleasure to go down to The Cereal Shak with some really special people in my life along with Mrs. Colleen. It was really neat how she interacted with us! She was such an incredible person to get to spend some time with. I'm excited about the opportunity to work at a Passport Camp in the future and about integrating Passport into my church at home!
Blessings,
Jaime =)
Blessings,
Jaime =)
