A Work in Progress

This morning at church for me was a time where I had to completely rely on the power of Christ like never before. A few weeks ago, one of my beautiful friends asked me if I would sing a duet with her. So we began to practice the song 'Blessings' by Laura Story. When we began to practice this song, I don't think either one of us knew what The Lord had in store for either one of us when we decided to sing this song in church. As I began to practice this song, The Lord just brought up so many emotions inside of me. At first, many memories from my past came up and it was hard to overcome them while singing. Then after singing through a few times there was this overwhelming sense of peace. One line that really spoke out to me was, "what if your healing comes through tears?"- This line just really spoke into my life and this past year. This past year for me was SUCH a healing process and along with that came MANY MANY tears. I think that sometimes probaly more times than not, along with healing comes tears. Okay fast forward to this morning. As Sam and I began to sing, the Holy Spirit I feel wanted to do a bit of healing in her life so therefore tears came. It was just a really powerful morning at church and it is super cool to see how The Lord works in ways that we don't fully understand! =)

In the midst of darkness there is Light

Today so far, and it's only 1:00 in the afternoon has been one of literally the hardest days of my life. For the past 2 summers, a week in November, and 2 weekends during April I have gone to a place called Manchester KY. I have spent times building relationships, I have spent times praising The Lord through singing. I have spent countless nights up into the middle of the night playing bananagrams, Phase 10, Blokus, or Spoons with some of the most beautiful people I have ever known. I have spent hours on the Manchester Baptist Church Van picking up and taking kids home along with passing out flyers for Backyard Bible Clubs. I have spent time building relationships with the people we served especially the Maggard family with their 3 beautiful boys Kevin, Alex, and Nathan. I have spent time walking around at the park with Drucie Brown just talking about life and being intrigued by the stories of Haiti that she has told me and just how dedicated she is to serving the Lord. I have made countless sandwiches with Vickie May and enjoyed playing games with her and Bonnie Alldredge. I have been adopted as the granddaughter of countless couples on my various LBA trips. I have spent many hours laughing and having a great time and also a few hours just on my face crying out to the Lord because I wanted so badly to help people and love on people and to show them the love that only Christ has to offer. During my times in KY I have been surrounded by beautiful Brothers and Sisters in Christ and it has been amazing to watch how each time I have left going to Kentucky not knowing very many of the people and yet came back feeling like family with each and every one of them. As I sit here and type this I am choking back tears as today so many of my friends have left to once more embark on this journey to Manchester KY but this time I am not with them. From the time I woke up this morning every little thing that has happened has reminded me of my times in KY. As I went to take a shower this morning I was reminded of the shower trailor that we showered in each day. As I went to straighten my hair I thought of how J and Lizzie and Reina and Ryan all burned Gummy bears with a straightner. As I went to drive down the road I thought of the bumpy roads up into the hollers in Manchester and I could picture the faces of the beautiful children we got to love on. As I walked into my church building and up the stairs, I thought about my beauitful friends who were on that journey to Manchester this morning and how many memories we made in the past two years as we journeyed together. I thought of Ann Booker and Bonnie Alldredge who have just loved on me on all of the LBA trips we have gone on together and how it was because of them that I was able to go on my first LBA trip because I had to have a chaperone in order to go. As I sat in Sunday School we were talking about Moses and how he had to be in the wilderness and to learn the wilderness so that later on he would be able to lead the people out of the wilderness. Although it doesn't completely relate, it sort of does. I feel like I am in the middle of a wilderness of sorts. I don't know all the details and a part of me in a way is frustrated that I can't be on this trip. I've been just on my face begging God to show me while I can't be on this trip and why whenever a door would open for me to be a part of this trip another door would close in order to make it impossible. As I go through this time of wilderness though I know that The Lord is directing and guiding me each step of the way and in His timing He will show me why this wilderness was a necessary part of my journey. I know that He has something incredible in store for me as I wait patiently or more in my case as I wait impatiently for Him to show me what is next.

As you read this, my prayer is that you will put aside my complaints as I just had to vent them and that you will this week be in prayer for my friends who are serving in Manchester KY. Pray that The Lord will do a mighty work while they are there. Pray that the construction teams will not only be able to meet their physical needs but that maybe through a hug or a smile they will feel the love of Christ and a seed will be planted. Please be in prayer for the backyard bible club group that they will be able to love on these kids and show them the love of Christ as well. Help the teams heart to be opened as they travel to the Gallilean home tomorrow and allow them to love on the people there as well. Pray for the cooks that they will not get worn down feeding so many people but that they will see their job as just as important as the other jobs. Pray also for the leaders in KY Ken and Carol that you will help them to feel encouraged by our team.

Fears and Healing

So the past two weeks have been an incredible roller coaster that I don't even know how to explain and The Lord has really working in my life. 4th of July weekend I went down to TN and my best friend from here came with me, Caroline. Friday night we met up with a group of my friends for Katelynn Davenport's birthday and it was so much fun to be reunited with my beautiful sisters in Christ. Until I was in their presence this past weekend, I didn't realize how much I had missed their presence in my every day life. Here at home, I have 3 people that I would call my friends this summer and out of those 3 here I have become closer to my sisters at school then my friends here. I can be honest with them and I know that they won't judge me for what I tell them about my life and what I am struggling with. If I need to talk to them I know that they would let me come to their room during the school year or call them when we aren't at school if I needed to talk or cry or both. But on the other hand my sisters at school are there for each other during the joyous times as well. We are there for each other on birthdays or when we make good grades on tests or when we just want to praise The Lord for His faithfullness in our lives. It's incredible how much God has blessed me with these beautiful sisters at Carson-Newman. Saturday Caroline and I hung out with some more of my sisters as well. Sunday though was such an eye opening day for me. I made Caroline go to two churches with me haha. First we went to First Baptist and then we drove to Knoxville to go to NorthStar. Pastor Scott like always brought the word and it was so great to be back at NorthStar. His sermon or atleast a point of his sermon that he spoke was about how a lot of times as Christians we get caught up in 'religion' and don't focus on our actual relationship with Christ. We do all of the 'good' things like being involved in bible studies, leading bible studies, going to Sunday School and worship, singing in choir, keeping the nursery, or whatever it is that we do each week. Pastor Scott really stepped on my toes and made me realize the importance of my relationship with Christ to become more intentional. Also, I feel as though my calling from The Lord is becoming a little more defined. I feel as though God is calling me to be a Pastor or atleast to add a pastoral emphasis to my religion major. I think this is a big step for me as in all honesty I don't have a clue what becoming a pastor would mean for my life. So if you're reading this, please be in prayer for me as I get some wise counsel in the next few weeks from some of the people in my life I look to for advice while making big decisions. I'm excited but in all reality I have no clue where The Lord is going to lead me in the future but I'm excited about this journey.

On another note, I have a crazy confession to make and I think this is God's way of showing me that I am no longer in bondage but I am free because of His grace. Ever since I was a little kid probaly late elementary school I have been terrified of dogs, like to the point of if a dog came anywhere near me I would literally go out of my way to avoid the dog and it was almost a paralyzing fear. This fear bubbled over into my home where if my dog, my very own dog was out of his lot when I got home, I could not make myself get out of my car but I would literally call my dad and get him to come hold the dog so I could walk into my house. So I went to Carson-Newman in the fall with this fear and it continued through the year and then I came home for summer after having to deal with some pretty difficult baggage through the latter part of the first semester through about the end of April and beginning of May which wouldn't have been possible without the help of some amazing friends who just listened to my crys and sometimes even just held me in their arms because I was upset or allowed me to sleep in their room because I was scared and that fear was completely gone. It was like I had never been scared of a dog a day in my life. I think that my fear of dogs came from a sense of bondage and that that fear came from something deeper. It's really cool to see how The Lord works and how He can heal our hearts even after they have been broken into a million pieces and you feel like you can't keep going.

So I know that was random and you probaly didnt understand atleast half of what I just wrote in that last paragraph but as our friendships grow, I am confident that my heart will begin to be opened to each of you and with time I will be able to share parts of my life story with you because it isn't my story, it's God's story!

Until next time, I hope you all have an amazing week!