My heart at the moment

Fear: the four letter word that accounts for many failures in life, and holds people back from achieving their goals and aspirations. The four letter word, that is holding ME back from being who God has called me to be! Honestly, I know what God wants me to do! God wants me to be a missionary. God wants me to live my life totally 100% for Him, to totally give up "Jaime" and be "Jaime/God" okay maybe not that drastic, because I will still be Jaime, but it will be God living through me. How cool does that sound, God loves me so much that He wants to live through me, and to show me how to daily follow Him! That's exciting! But then that four letter word comes in. I don't know why i'm scared, I mean what could be wrong with the creator of the whole universe planning out my life totally and completely! AWESOME to say the least. Honestly, I really think God wants me to do work in Haiti. I really feel that call and that burden on my heart. Please don't think though that i'm some kind of religious moron who is all into helping others when disaster strikes, but no other time. You can ask my friends and family if you don't believe me, Haiti has been somewhere in my mind since my mission trip to Manchester in November. The first time I ever met Drucie she told me she wanted me to go to Haiti with her. And ever since atleast once a week if not many more times, my heart is burdened for the lost souls in Haiti, for the lonely people, for the children who are orphans just left on the street, for the starving malnourished babies, who need food and some LOVE, for the young adults, and adults of all ages who just need someone to talk to, who jsut need someone to tell them that they matter, and that they are loved, but more importantly that they are loved by the eternal father, the creator of the universe, the one who perfectly placed the stars in the sky, and knows the number of hairs on each persons head! and honestly, even though my parents don't want me to go to Haiti, I know that sometime in my near future, I'm going to have the opportunity to go, and at that time, my parents hearts will be softened, and at that time, they will say yes for the holy spirit will be speaking through them! Please, if you are reading this, please be in prayer for the people in Haiti, and also please be in prayer that if it is God's will for me to do missions in Haiti, that my parents will allow me to go! Thanks Guys, God Bless!

Fear of the Unknown

Is it bad to cringe at the thought of the future? Well I guess I don't really cringe, it's more like, I'm just totally 100% terrified of the future and what it's going to hold for me. But I don't know why, someone once said something that was really insightful that I wish I could feel, "I don't know what my future holds, but I'm certain of who holds my future" And it's so true because I know that God has a hand in my future, and that it is going to be phenomenal, but a part of me is terrified, because I don't know where God is going to send me. I've wanted to be a youth minister for a couple years now, and I was certain at a time that that is what God wanted me to do, but as I've gotten more involved with mission work, I really can see my future in that, but i'm scared. Because I don't know where I will end up. God could send me halfway across the world, and I would have to go because how can you say no to the creator of the universe. But at the same time, I'm super incredibly excited, because the creator of the stars and moon, and sun and rain has chosen me to help Him tell the whole world about Jesus Christ, and that's exciting, but I can't get over this anxiety! I can't get over the thoughts of not being near my family and friends, and that terrifies me! It terrifies me more than you know! And I guess part of my fear is fear without faith, and don't get me wrong, I have faith, but I don't think I have confidence in my own abilities, and I think that is because without Christ, I have no strength or abilities, so therefore I don't know why I am scared because obviously if God sends me He will protect me whereever I go. I think also though one of my biggest fears is the fear of not being accepted, and I think that really makes me not be able to see my mission field at home. And I know that it's not a good thing because Jesus was made fun of, and spit on, and ultimitately crucified, so why am I scared. Like I can go to Kentucky, and I can go to Louisiana, and share about Christ, but a part of me is scared to spread Christ's love in Madison Heights VA, and I can't believe that i'm even sharing that because it's embarrasing. So throughout this year, that's going to be my goal, to love the unlovable, and to share Christ's Love everywhere, and not worry about what other people say about me, because I AM princesss because my father is the king of kings! = )