Recenlty, my church family has experienced a lot of pain and a lot of heartache over some negative decisions of our youth directors. As I sit here and type this, my heart is literally shattered into a million pieces. I feel like my view of church has been jaded by this situation and I just want normality back in the midst of what seems like complete chaos. I just want love to fill the crevices of hatred. I just want joy to wrap the sadness in its arms. Last night, one of my best friends from home sent me a prayer that she had wrote out and messaged it to me saying, "I didn't know what to do with this, so I sent it to you" So now I'm going to share her beautiful words with you and pray that they find you in need of some comfort.
I can cover up the pain and hurt all day long with friends and fun activities but when I stop to think its like I'm standing in the rain but can't feel the cold wetness dripping down my face.
This is all a blur because I know that if I let it become clear it will hurt me so much that I won't be able to handle this alone.
I don't know where God is in this situation. If I was not able see my friends and family also looking for him, I would have given up the search already. I hope that he will reveal his plan soon because the pain will only get worse before it can possibly get better.
What are you doing, Father? The last time I felt this hurt was accompanied by one of the best hours of my life. I'm sorry that I am questioning and doubting your abilities. I'm imperfect and scared. Help me. Here I am. Change me to be better for you
There's such truth in what she is saying there.. God of love, show yourselves to us and our congregation during this time of confusion.
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