Why do I get so scared to make decisions? I think lately I've truly grasped the idea that one of my professors spoke so frequently this semester. He said on many occasions, "Self care is not selfish" another thing that he said to me on a number of days was, "you can only make the best decisions at the time with the best information given" I did not at the time realize nor understand why those two quotes stuck out to me, but I'm so thankful that I heard those words now. There have been many times in the past three months or so where I had to let people down and although they weren't huge deals, this was the first time in my whole life where I had to make decisions that I knew would benefit me and where I knew I would let other people down in the process which is incredibly difficult for me because I am very much a people pleaser. By not working at camp this summer I had to let a whole camp down and at that same time I had to give up the opportunity to ever work at that camp again because of my decision to spend time with my family this summer and work and take classes. A few weeks after that, I had to make a decision to come home a couple of days early this summer and not work at Game Time in TN in which I had attended training for to be a counselor. I then even when I got home had to make a decision to let my music minister down in order to go to the beach with my family. In making these decisions, God is teaching me so much especially the idea that I am worth more than I think I am worth and in life I deserve to be happy as well.
This summer for me is a time where I am having to do some really difficult things. I am spending my summer in school, I am working a 40 hour a week job, and I am spending more time with my family loving on them for who they are. This summer for me is also for me a time where God has called me to simplify. God has been calling me to a life of simplicity for over a year now, and I am finally at a place where I am able to simplify without it being painful. I am able to get rid of some things that bring back painful memories. I am at a point where I am able to throw away journals from middle school and highschool as well as yard sale trinkets and junk from people who I am no longer friends with. This summer is about literally and figuratively cleaning out my closet and letting go of baggage that has been holding me back for so many years.
I think for me, it has been incredibly important to have on of my best friends in the entire world, Katie Tyree who helped me clean out my room today and is going to come back to my house tomorrow and finish helping me. Today, in a matter of 6 hours, we took out 5 trashbags full of trash and junk to the dump and filled up two boxes, and a trashbag for the goodwill or yard sale. I can already feel so much freedom and liberation through this. I can already feel weight lifted off of my shoulders and it is such an incredible feeling. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this simplification period of my life for His glory.
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