Organized Chaos

This past week has been rather rough. I've come to the realization that many of my close friendships that have been made over this past year are with seniors who will be graduating in just about a month. I feel like over this past year though God has redeemed me and brought me through so much that I never would have imagined this time last year. God has healed my heart in more ways than I ever would have imagined and placed the perfect people in my life at the perfect time when I needed them there the most which has been incredible. One of the most valuable people I have in my life has told me on several occasions to "Do the hard thing" At first, she told me that about my decision of where to go to school. Countless times, I begged for her advice because I was scared to make a decision, and countless times her response was the same, "Do the hard thing." Over this past year there have been many times where I have had to do the hard thing, times where I have had to give up what I wanted most to do the hard thing, times where I have had to do some painful things in order to heal, times where I have had to be vulnerable and open up to friends because I couldn't hold everything inside any longer, times when I have had to allow myself to cry in front of people and lay my head in their laps with tears flowing down my face because I didn't know what else to do or what words to say. God has completely changed my heart though from the person I was when I came to Carson-Newman and I'm so thankful for that transformation. I have gone from being shy to having confidence. I have gone from feeling completely ugly to somewhat understanding that I am beautiful because I am created in the image of God. I have gone from not trusting to having the ability to trust my friends. I have gone from not feeling worth anything at all to having the ability to understand that I do have some worth. It's crazy to think where I would have been today if I didn't come to Carson-Newman and if I hadn't met the friends that I have. I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for the friends I have made and the faculty who have treated me like I was their own child. Over the past year, I have grown to have the ability to trust Christ with my life completely and it has been so scary but freeing at the same time. It's awesome to be able to hear the voice of God and to also have the ability to do what God says. This summer, I thought that God's plan was for me to work at a summer camp. I thought, hey I'm up for the challenge, I'm up for completely trusting God. So I applied to 3 different camps and only got hired at one. In my mind and in my heart, I knew that it was what God wanted, I had confidence that since I only got hired at the one that it must be God's plan for my summer. January 13th, I made the decision to give God my entire summer and to use it for his glory. I signed the contract for Merri-Mac and prepared my family with the reality that i wouldn't be spending my summer at home. Little did I know at the time that in reality that God was preparing my heart for something even greater that would involve me making more decisions that I was scared to make. Spring Break came and I didn't have a bit of peace at all whatsoever about working at camp but I didn't think I had another option but I could tell that God was drawing me in another direction but I just couldn't tell what that was and it scared me. So we get back from Spring Break and within 2 days, I got asked by my friend what I was doing this summer and then encouraged to apply to work at a camp that a lot of my friends work at. That very next day I got an email from my pastor about a class that he is teaching this summer that I need for my major any way, a phone call from my old employer at a daycare asking what I was doing this summer because she would love for me to come work at the daycare again, and a phone call from my mom encouraging me to come home for the summer as well. So there I was in the midst of chaos with an already signed contract to work at Camp Merri-Mac and 4 people wondering what I was doing with my summer. Long story short, I have decided to go home for the summer with complete confidence in Christ, and comlete fear of the unknown because I don't have a clue what God is going to do in my life this summer, but I'm excited that He is choosing ot use me. Isn't it crazy how the creator of the whole univcerse pursues our hearts so that we have the desire to serve Him. Just a few thoughts for the day on how amazing our Father in Heaven is! =)